How many of us have been in a situation where we are deeply connected to a horse, and the horse is asking for our help, yet we don’t own the horse? And the owner of the horse sees things very differently from the way we do… then what do you do?
Reader Story: I am new to your YouTube channel and website. I recently acquired two horses, never owning a horse ever, and I am desperately attempting to listen to their energy and connect with them on a spiritual level to help them and myself!
My brother-in-law has been a sheep owner and farmer for about 20 years now, and has never owned horses himself, but knew my daughter and I loved them, tremendously. So he purchased our first horse from a sale barn and brought it home for my daughter in January, and she is around a year old filly.
She is blind in one eye, very underweight, and came to us with lots of bald spots all over her coat. It looks like she had caught on fire, but may have worn it off from rubbing against something at her last home. Her hair is now growing back a bit, and she is putting on weight quickly, but still very obviously emotionally damaged, and I am still trying to gain her trust.
The other horse is part Arabian, female, and looks to be under 10 years old. We’ve had her a week today. She may be older, but is very dominant and bossy, pushy with everyone, even with me. As if she is testing me. She is pushy, and always seems to try and scare me, she acts like she would bite me if I got right below her head and neck to meditate. But that is my next step with them.
Last evening though, my brother-in-law decided we should take them out of the barn for a short walk through the side yard, even though I suggested it was too early. As I said, he only really knows sheep, not horses, though he claims he is a professional at these things. He has also been the owner of three donkeys over the past year, but they are kept in a front pasture, separate from the horses right now.
But, as I was saying, he probably never anticipated them getting as crazy as they did, he figured they’d both be so happy to be out and eating grass for a change. He brought the adult female out first, and she was not reacting the way I anticipated, but he proceeded, he then took the filly out, and when he did successfully get her out of the barn, he encouraged me to stand my ground and not let her lead or dominate me.
He handed her off to me, and she was just as jumpy and spooked by the sheep behind us, and the donkeys in front of us, she couldn’t stay focused on eating grass for longer than a few minutes, and I was just as anxious and nervous as both her and the other, dominant horse!! I too have terrible fear and anxiety, deep resentment and guilt, lots of emotional trauma, and I feel I am meant to be their caregiver, keeper, and friend.
But back to them, to make a long story short, the filly wound up dragging me about 5 or 10 feet, right beneath her feet, rope around my waist and wrapped around my hand. Luckily, I was not hurt, other than a small bruise on my upper arm. My brother-in-law praised me for never letting go of her, as he insisted she would never respect me if she was able to get away from me and know she is stronger than I am. I was very proud of myself in that moment and felt I had taken us a step in the right direction, but I dearly love those horses, at a deep, unconditional level, and I have recently expressed my desire to bond with, and connect with each of them, individually, to develop a deeper relationship with them than just leader human, who punishes them when they won’t listen and perform for me.
I never had intentions of riding either of them, although my borther-in-law has different plans. He is quite rough and knows nothing about the spiritual connection between humans and horses, or any animal for that matter. And I can’t convince him otherwise, so I demanded that I be their only caregiver, from the beginning and here on out. He has plans of hiring a trainer for them, but I am trusting that I can convince him they need emotional healing and free roaming space, to become happier, and that a traditional trainer is not the answer for these poor, damaged, sacred creatures.
I still am not sure of what the adult female endured at her previous home, but she seems to me like she was a fair or circus horse who was mistreated and overused, and now has lots of anger and trust issues. Jini, I am totally at a loss for what to do for them at a deeper level, to make them feel less afraid, less damaged, and that I will never harm them, or abandon them, and want them to thrive and heal, with me.
When we got these horses, I thought their everyday basic needs and care, was the most important thing I needed to tackle. I read webpage after webpage of articles on their diet, body language, hoof care, grooming, dental care, down to their spine being out of alignment. I knew they were very emotional animals, but I never knew I could communicate and meditate with them, and all of us bond and heal. When I found your channel, I knew that was the absolute only option for my horses.
How do I start this process?? I am now checking my posture and body sensations and deep breathing a few minutes before I even enter the barn each morning and throughout the day and evening. I try to keep my energy in an unconditional love, steady flow. And try to focus on them only. I tried to sit on the ground tonight in front of their feeders and a small fence between me and them, and as always, the dominant one acted like she was going to bite me or pull my hat off, to bite my forehead or face, whatever she could get ahold of.
What should my approach be from here? What should I do next? Am I trying too hard or too quickly? I am so desperate for relief for them, and for my own peace of mind. Thank you, for your videos, and your beautiful stories of true hope. I have gained so much comfort from them.
Jini: Kesia has a mare that sounds very similar to your Morgan, so I think this wonderful article of hers will be very illuminating for you.
The other aspect that really jumps out at me from your email is that, if I were you, the FIRST thing I would do is to purchase the horse(s) from your brother-in-law. And maybe this can be done through a work exchange, rather than money (if money is tight). But you need to either have the ownership in writing, or a witness to your verbal agreement (your husband perhaps). And then you will probably have to pay for their food.
My horses have made me aware how VERY important ownership is to them and their safety/security. Perhaps they are just reading the power cords and they know that ‘ownership’ means the power cord goes from them to the legal owner. I’m not sure how they view it, but I know they see it, they know it, and legal ownership is very important to them.
It is also very important to humans – because whoever is the legal owner of the horses, that is who has final say over EVERYTHING. When push comes to shove, you will see this happen over and over again. So you may just be setting yourself up for failure.
Perhaps the mare is pushy because she wants you to stand in your power? And please do not ignore your intuition that she will bite you! She is probably sending you pictures of that to warn you. We must release our own agenda and BE in the moment and respond to what IS – not what we hope for, or what we think should be.
And if there’s no way you can/will take legal ownership for these horses, then you just need to be congruent (honest) about that. Tell the horses the truth and tell yourself the truth – if you are refusing to tell the truth to yourself, that makes horses very agitated and they likely will hurt you. Because they ARE congruent. If the energy is manky, or tense, or unstable, then their physical expression will reflect that.
They may be quite content with your brother-in-law’s ways – because he is congruent. So they know what he is capable of, and they know what to expect. Yes they may shut down or hide parts of themselves, because there’s no room or space for sentience, but they will likely be happier then being pulled back and forth between two poles. I hear you can’t bully donkeys, so maybe he actually knows more than you think. Or maybe the horses will teach him?
But again, until you get clear on whose horses these are, you’re making it very difficult for the horses to find their place in their new world. And you’re making it very difficult for yourself to offer an alternative, or to find a new pathway with them.
So please read Kesia’s post, and you will notice the advice Amalia gave her, regarding where the real work needed to be done, and where she needed to start. It sounds like your mare is sending you a similar message. Sending you love and hugs as we remember that it is through these difficult times that we are also given the opportunity to move further towards wholeness.