We have now been on the could-be-kicked-off-at-any-minute land for almost 7 years. We have since made a couple of good property investments and the equity in our home, combined with the increased growth in our business, means that we can finally afford to buy land here in Langley, BC!
But this is also the year of Covid-19, so although we have been looking for 8 months solid, we have been unable to find anything suitable as there is so little inventory on the market. The owner has submitted the application for development on our leased land, and the trees have been moving their energy back into the earth, so I figure we probably have 1 year max left here.
Montaro, Juno and Jax have now been up at Kesia’s ranch for two years – since keeping all 11 horses here was just too intensive for the land and the 3 lads were tired of being cooped up with no access to trails, or roads safe to hike along.
My two eldest kids are now 18 (Zara) and 21 (Oscar). My 15-year-old son, Hugo, can no longer be held back from his professional football (soccer) career, so he and Dad are heading off to the UK in a few weeks.
As Ian and I ponder what to do – yet again – with our land conundrum, Ian throws up his hands and says, “You know what, do whatever you think is best. I’ve got to take Hugo to England, so if you want to sell the house and buy whatever you want, go for it.”
Whaaaat? Ian is the property guy in our family. He has never made a bad investment in real estate and he has a bonafide ‘nose’ for it. And now he is just going to turn it all over to me? I am stunned. At the same time, it gives me the unique opportunity to delve into what I really want – just me. Because my kids are all out of school and my husband is going away with our youngest for at least a year (with as many visits as possible!).
There are so many reasons not to keep horses down here on the coast of Vancouver in the rainy Pacific Northwest. If you live in the UK or Ireland, you know what I’m talking about! Here’s the difference in horsekeeping between Kesia and me – where we both have 8 horses, but she is North and inland so they get cold/snow winters:
After looking at numerous horse properties here in Langley that were all unsuitable for one reason or another, Ian said: “You know what I’ve always envisioned for our horses? I walk out my house and there’s lovely greenery and rolling hills spread out in front of me, the sun is shining, and I see the horses over there atop one hill. And it’s free and gorgeous and peaceful.”
I said, “That’s been my vision too.”
We’ve looked at land here for 8 months solid and that vision doesn’t exist here along the coast – it’s just getting more and more crowded, with factory agriculture, cannabis farms, mink farms, and stinky chicken prisons surrounding you, if you do manage to find a nice 10 acre+ piece of land. And there’s traffic pretty much everywhere.
So then Ian suggests: “Why don’t we pull some money out of our house here and buy a ranch inland? We can rent out part of our house here, if we need to. That way we diversify and don’t have all our eggs in one basket – buying ONE property for that much money makes me really nervous. If the market crashes, we’re hooped.”
I look at him in shock and say, “What?! You said you’d never live in the interior!”
He says, “I meant as my ONLY home. If I can keep this house here, I’m perfectly happy to have a second home inland.”
SO. I ponder looking for land in the interior again, but let me tell you what’s happened every time I’ve said, “I can’t do this anymore, I need more land and in a climate more conducive to horsekeeping!”
The Universe says No
Five years ago, I really felt like Princeton BC would be the ideal area – only 2.5-3 hours drive from our house here, with just the kind of land I love. A mix of rolling hills and forest, with plenty of creeks and lakes. At that time, I had found a perfect 320 acre ranch for $750,000. We also couldn’t afford it (without selling our current house) but I’m a lifelong entrepreneur and I know how to play with money so I didn’t let that stop me. Ian however, was very resistant. He said I would rarely go there and what’s the point of having horses if they weren’t with me? All very good points! So I waffled about for a few months, but one day it all came to a head and I said, “That’s it, I’m phoning the realtor to go see it tomorrow and make this ranch happen!” I called the realtor and he told me the ranch had sold the day before – to a couple from Vancouver (insert whichever WTF?? emoji you wish here).
I took it as a sign from the universe – the timing was just such a pointed message. Years passed and then once again the cost of keeping horses down here, the weather, the stress of managing 7 youth as my barn workers – because it’s so labor intensive here – all mounted up to make me once again look inland. It just was not working logistically down here and the expenses were sky high – but thrown away on someone else’s land.
So I thought, Princeton was a no, but what about going East, to Rock Creek area? I booked with a realtor there and paid a deposit to stay in her Airbnb cottage. And… the entire region was flooded for three weeks, right when I was booked to go. Okay, no problem, stuff happens.
After things settled down and they cleaned up the town and all the damage, I booked to go again. A few days before I was due to leave, massive forest fires ripped through the region – the entire area was blanketed in thick smoke. Are you kidding me?? Flood, now fire – both at the exact times I was booked to go? Fine – I know a message from the universe when I see one.
A couple more years passed and once again I was back to thinking the interior of BC was the only option. The arborist had already been through our leased land to tag all the trees and I felt the timeline there running out. So when I drove to Vernon to take a break and visit Güliz, I paid extra attention to every area I drove through, looking for any region that FELT right/good to me. I hit a micro-climate about 2 hours from my house, on the way to Kamloops that felt and looked amazing. So when I returned home, I googled real estate listings in the area, but there were no good farms or ranches for sale.
I kept an eye on it and every couple of months I checked again. After about 6 months, I stumbled across a 160 acre ranch that looked perfect! And by this time, we could afford it. So I contacted the realtor immediately, and was told that they had just accepted an offer on the ranch a few days ago, and it was due to close in 2 weeks time. Again??! But I didn’t give up hope, I said to the universe, “If we’re meant to have this ranch, then the offer will fall through.” Ian agreed to drive up with me immediately if it became available, and then I waited to hear from the realtor. The sale completed without a hitch and so this was the THIRD time the universe had slammed the door on me buying a ranch inland.
Needless to say, I’m a wee bit leery of trying, yet again, to purchase land in the interior. BUT this time, Ian actually wants it and sees it as a good idea. Perhaps that is the missing piece of the energy puzzle…?
Güliz and I have often talked about me buying land in the interior and her being the one to live on it full time. So I text Güliz about my recent conversation with Ian and his willingness to purchase inland and I say:
“Well, there’s still not much on the market… but if anything interests you Guliz, do you want to get back in gear with your realtor and then if you find something you love, we’ll come up and see it?
I have no idea how much time I’d spend there to be honest… can’t envision that and will likely just play it by ear. Also Hugo and Ian will likely be mostly in the UK for the next 2 years. For sure none of us will be there in the winter. Except maybe for Zara who loves snow, and Juliet!
So if you’re still up for it, this would need to be a property that YOU could manage and that you want for your home. When I say manage, I don’t mean you need to be the handyman etc! We can pay people to do any maintenance/repairs. You would make sure all the horses are good, fences are good, water is thawed, hay is ordered etc. (unless we’re growing our own). We’ll probably do our winter hay like Kesia does. That seems like the sanest option and regenerates the land. Then you pay rent, we pay you to caretake. We have an Agreement, we keep it clean.
I’m also open to ALL possibilities… let me know…”
However, Güliz texts back that she has now committed to living on her friend Greta’s land for the next few years, so she is out of the picture. Well. That makes me stop and think… again. And I am now mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted. I sleep until 3pm the following day. When I get up, I have a bath, and then go back to bed. I’m not sick, I am just giving myself time and space to process.
Fear of Success
As I lie there in bed, I go back over Claudia’s comment, along with my conversation with Kesia about HOME and looking for the place that feels like home. And I realize there are levels of ‘feeling like home’. There is the level that I have felt, which is that I’m attached to the place, I have fond memories and feelings about it, where it’s like putting on your favorite pair of slippers. And then there is the level of HOME where it is a heart-soul attachment. The only place I felt that level of home was Kenya – which I was forced to leave at age 5. I had already done a Lazer Tapping session on being forced to move for my Member’s group. But this was now about the soul-splitting aspect of having to leave a home where your body was ONE with the earth in that place. As I tapped through my feelings I realized that I was afraid of ever attaching to a place like that again – the fear of feeling like that, and possibly losing it, was enough to stop me in my tracks.
It’s a variation on the Fear of Success theme – we can be afraid to succeed in life, career, money, relationships and yes, land/home, because once we really, truly have our heart’s deepest desire, then what happens if we lose it?! And rather than having to go through the pain of that possible loss, we would rather not have our dream to begin with. That’s how we subconsciously sabotage ourselves.
We’re scared of setting up or obtaining what we really want, and then having it taken away. It’s easy to roll with the punches of life when you don’t care too much. When your attachment won’t rip your soul. We’re afraid to want what we REALLY want, because losing it will hurt so much.
Why can’t I find land? Why am I always blocked from buying land? Why don’t I have my dream ranch? Have I even defined my dream ranch – or have I been afraid to delineate what I really, really want? What my heart/soul longs for…
So every time the horses asked me, What do you want? I would always frame my answer within the realm of what felt/looked possible. And what I deemed possible, was defined just as much by my fear, as by my desire.
This is why I keep banging on about Lazer Tapping to y’all! Once you learn how to tap for yourself, you have this incredibly powerful mind/body/spirit healing tool, literally at your fingertips.
I tapped through all my feelings of fear about loving/attaching to land at this soul-level:
Am I willing to open my heart again, to experience that level of connection, of belonging, to experience what I really want, for however long it lasts? Even if it ends and I have to leave again, am I willing to experience the pain for the joy? For the love, the fullness, the rightness, the belonging to the earth in that space and time?
And as I peeled away the layers of fear and resistance, I tapped in the new possibility that my heart is far more practiced now at the openness of loving existence. At living ALL the colors of the rainbow – the full spectrum of life. Even if it only lasts a short time, it is an experience of life. Of course I know intellectually that nothing is stable or secure. But I’m now open to sitting/resting in this emotional reality too.
By the time I came to the end of my impromptu Lazer Tapping session, I was emotionally ready to FEEL and claim what I really want.
- I want a 100+ acre ranch inland, here in BC (Singing Horse Herd)
- I want a 300+ acre ranch in a temperate climate as the other touchstone property to complete the circle (horse-dolphin-elephant-whale)
- I don’t want just ONE thing.
It’s what I’ve always wanted, but it felt too big, too logistically difficult, too impossible to claim. But I’m finally ready and clear enough to simply want what I want. Without knowing any of the details of how or when – just claiming the space of what I truly want. Of course, that doesn’t mean that I want, or expect, to manifest all the properties at once!
Was that tapping session to clear trauma, and my newfound clarity, enough to bring in my dream ranch here in BC? Nope. There was still another big energetic block in the pathway.
Karmic blocks & saboteurs
A year ago, I had observed the fact all 4 of us who work closely with the herd – Güliz, Juliet, Kesia and I – were not living the way we wanted to live! Even Kesia – who bought land with her family 3 years ago, is paying a mortgage on that land, yet she doesn’t live on her land. Instead, she rents a house nearby. What the heck??
Güliz was out visiting the herd and we were discussing my thwarted quest for land, when I brought up this aspect that none of us were living the way we wanted. As we walked to the back pasture, Güliz suggested we go into session and see what emerged. As we sat down and sank into connection, a vulture flew overhead. In the 6 years we’ve been on this property, none of us has ever seen a vulture here. Plenty of hawks, eagles, pileated woodpeckers, robins, hummingbirds and probably 25 other species of bird – but never a vulture.
We went back to a life in Ancient Egypt where we had all been present (Juliet, Kesia, Güliz and I). Some of us had banished the others and some were the ones who’d been banished (almost like a curse) to wander forever seeking land/home. Güliz saw herself and others travelling across a barren desert, searching for a home.
It doesn’t matter who did the banishing and who was banished – because both have to be released and forgiven for any change to take place. Karma is like a boomerang – you get back what you put out. The actioner and receiver of the action are mirrors – both will experience the same result of the action – whether it is perceived as positive or negative. The only way to get off this karmic wheel is to forgive all the people involved, and also yourself.
So Güliz and I created a circle and invited Kesia and Juliet’s higher self to sit in circle with us and hold hands. We did Ho’oponopono for each of us:
- I’m sorry
- Please forgive me
- Thank you
- I love you
Literally the minute we finished this process, an ex-boyfriend of Güliz’s, whom she hadn’t heard from in months, sent her a property listing for a ranch. It felt like instant confirmation from the universe that we had removed the block. That was Sunday.
Keep in mind, over the last 6 years I have done extensive work on myself and any possible blocks or saboteurs I was holding around manifesting land. I also know that we’ve been held here on this leased land, because the land needed a lot of healing and release. It feels like now that the land here is whole, it can go dormant for a while and not suffer from the coming townhome development and human infestation.
On Monday (the very next day), Güliz received a listing for a gorgeous 160 acre ranch near Vernon, from her realtor, but she didn’t send it, because it was significantly higher than the budget I’d given her. Then on Tuesday, she decided to just send it anyway. I woke up on Tuesday morning – after only 5 hours sleep, but not feeling tired, and unable to go back to sleep, so I checked my phone. I clicked on the listing and thought, “Wow the land is gorgeous!” I shot the listing off to my hubby Ian, who was in the UK and he messaged back a few minutes later: “This looks great – go see it!” I asked him if we could swing the price though, as it was considerably over our budget. He ran some calculations (he handles the accounting in our partnership) and said yes, we could manage it. I phoned the realtor and made an appointment to drive up the very next day.
When I told Ian I was going to see it the next day, he then suggested that I immediately place an offer, subject to viewing and financing, so that nobody could get an offer in before I’d seen it! So I did, and by the time my daughter and I left the next morning for the 5 hour drive up, we had an Accepted Offer to purchase the property and 3 weeks to confirm we liked it and get the financing arranged. THAT is what FLOW looks like! YES we were back in alignment with the universe.
As we entered the gravel road that led to the property, a vulture left the bear carcass it was eating and flew right in front of our Jeep window. As I was touring and learning all the details of the property, my daughter Zara lay down in the field with the cows. With a rock and a stick under her back and her head on a log, she fell into a deep sleep.
Here’s the thing: Zara has never fallen asleep outside before, not even while suntanning. Plus she had already slept in the truck for about 4 hours on the way up. She says the land ‘took her’ and she felt like she went down into the earth. She then told me there’s First Nations all through the land in that area (including on this ranch) and we’re going to need to work with them. Juliet and I have been working with First Nations ancestors through the land here all year – so no surprise there!
The land is amazing and felt like the perfect home for the Singing Horse Herd and for the humans who work with them. As we drove away from the property, over 3 hours later, the herd of 60 cows and their magnificent bull had come right down across the driveway. In the middle of the cows I spied a single horse. He was a lineback dun, with a black mane and tail. Just like Montaro. It felt like Montaro was already here, or, this horse was the placeholder for Montaro.
And so it is.
In case you missed the beginning of this series, click here for Part 1