Tribute to Tiah

Tiah was fine until 8pm three nights ago. I noticed on our walk back from romping around the forest that she was walking really slowly. Then as nighttime came she began panting and her belly was spasming. She’d had an extra long, heavy heat cycle this month. And then had mated with Timber at the barn 3 weeks ago. My son hadn’t realized she was still fertile and had taken her with him to do the horse chores. She and Timber (the resident, intact male dog) disappeared to the back pasture for 45 minutes, so we were pretty sure she was impregnated.

At this point, she was 3 weeks pregnant. She’d had some episodes of fatigue (consistent with pregnancy) and some random panting (again, numerous sites said this occurred during pregnancy) in the last 10 days, and so I wondered if she was getting ready to miscarry or something.

Around midnight she vomited bile and then vomited clear, foamy saliva a few more times. By 3 a.m. she couldn’t walk upstairs, so we carried her up. Zara stayed up with her all night and woke me at 7 a.m. to tell me she was no better, and could no longer drink any water without vomiting. So I took her to the Emergency Vet Clinic. Long story short, the vets couldn’t do much to help her as she had a severe uterine infection (pyometra) that would have to be stabilized with IV antibiotics first and then surgery after/if she stabilized. They felt her chances of surviving both interventions were very low and price of course very high. I chose to bring her home to die on the earth, in the sunshine. And she passed about 3 hours after I got her home.

Zara and I carried her outside to lie on a blanket with us in the last of the Autumn sunshine, but she got up and walked under the Black Locust tree to lie down hidden by its thorny branches, about 10 feet away from us. Another sign that she was getting ready to transition from this plane of existence. At one point, I got up to sit on a rock about 2 feet away from her and she heaved herself up to move to the other side of the tree, putting 4 feet between us. Message received. I believe she needed physical distance to help her 3D body/personality let go of this realm – her ties to Zara and I were so strong.

Zara with puppy Tiah

As I sat near Tiah and midwifed her death, I didn’t want her to suffer anymore – sepsis and organ failure is not an easy death – so I searched for a vet who would come to the house and administer euthanasia. There were only 3 vets who would service our area; one was on health leave, the other on holidays until Oct. 11th, the third did not work on Thursdays – the day Tiah was dying. Did Tiah know all this when she chose her death day?

I worked with Tiah to create separation between her conscious mind, her soul, and her physical body. To pull her consciousness up and out of her body to the Observer position – where she could witness everything that was happening, but didn’t have to feel it. As you may know, I have all my dental work done (extractions, crowns, jaw surgery) with no anaesthetic because I developed this technique – you can feel what is happening, but it doesn’t hurt. Pain does not have to hurt. I had never done this for someone else before though, but my connection with Tiah, and her surrender, was strong enough that I could perform this service for her.

Zara and I then had to help her spirit leave – her physical body was so strong and held on so tight. The way I see it, the soul is held in a kind of webbed womb/case/container. And I had to go in and loosen the weaving, stretch it out, create some space, for her soul to slip out. Smart medicine woman that she was, she had positioned herself on a downward slope, so that when she vomited near the end, she wouldn’t choke on it.

After she released her soul and took her last breath, we both knew we couldn’t touch her for a long time – about 30 minutes. Like our touch would give her strong body the ability to yank her spirit back in. So we kept working with her spirit, cutting cords, giving gratitude for her life and gifts, releasing, giving her permission to leave, etc. When she was finally GONE gone, we held ceremony with drum and sage and Zara placed her death rocks on her body. Her eternal blue glowing self was draped around Zara, covering/cradling her from behind.

Kumba came home from the barn about half an hour later, with Oscar. He was bouncing and HAPPY, like Tiah was with him. Der. We took him out to the body and he sniffed her and all around the area, gathering the story. Then lay down about 8 feet away where he could see her while I stood there observing him. After 5 minutes or so, I started walking to the house and he bounded happily after me, excited to get his bone for the evening.

Kumba and Tiah

Guliz sent me a video of the horses at the ranch, bucking and running around like crazy at about 5pm – which is when we were in ceremony for Tiah. Interesting to note, I got Tiah just before I got Zorra. So she stayed with us for 7 years through the journey of all 11 horses, purchasing the ranch (no small task!) and getting the horses onto the ranch. She transitioned on October 7th on the New Moon. Perhaps one of her main objectives coming here was to help me make all that happen and support me through the tremendous challenges.

Tiah is the first one of my animals to die, without giving me any warning. All my other animals have told me when they’re getting ready to transition. So her death slammed into me like a freight train. I don’t know why Zara and I had to walk this pathway for her death, but I trust Tiah. Kesia wrote to me:

“There is something in being pulled without control into deep grief. It expands us, humbles us (as in humus… brings us closer to the earth), draws from us more raw power than we could ever intend… it’s just SO MUCH and we could never consciously choose it, except by agreeing to love as deeply and entirely as we can.”

Kesia with Tiah and her brother Jimmy

As per usual, our beautiful Kesia manages to language the essence of it all.

Namaste Tiah.

Aude, me, Tiah  (c) Linda Bickerton-Ross
Tribute to Tiah

18 thoughts on “Tribute to Tiah

  • October 9, 2021 at 9:37 pm
    Permalink

    T-bird 💔

    Magical beautiful fierce wild woman… you leave a hole in our hearts where the wind can whistle through.

    Gate gate. Paragate. Parasamgate. Bodhi! Svaha!

    Reply
  • October 10, 2021 at 2:06 am
    Permalink

    Such an immense sorrow for such a wise, strong dog.

    Here is Siri, with love from one hunter to another ❤️

    pic:

    Reply
  • October 10, 2021 at 4:00 am
    Permalink

    My heart is with you all. She has work to do somewhere else … I say this with tears rolling down my face but with a happy soul. Even though we fortunately know more than most the pain is so real. Lost my strong loyal ever so wise one not so long ago too. God bless so much love and light 🙏💜💜💜💜🕉️😇💜💜💜💜🙏XXX

    Reply
  • October 10, 2021 at 7:23 am
    Permalink

    Very sorry for the loss of Tiah.
    I know that one all too well.
    The greater the love, the deeper the grief.

    Reply
  • October 10, 2021 at 8:22 am
    Permalink

    Kesias words were everything! You are a kindred spirit to me Jini and your pain/healing is mine! These exquisite animals souls take us so deep into love and learning that there physical absence can be unbearable at times! I know you know she will always be with you and as you just wrote to me animals have no distance or time constraints so we can always be close! At the same time the missing of that furry face on ours is so FN hard!
    Love peace support and honor to Miss Tiah and to you Zara and your men! Of course the horses toooooooooooo!
    ✌🏼💚🐴

    Reply
  • October 10, 2021 at 9:28 am
    Permalink

    Dear Jini, I am sorry to hear of the death of Tia. Kesia nails it on the head. Circumstances present themselves that we would never choose, and we figure out how to navigate in a way that resonates with us. It’s not surprising to me that no vets were available. It leaves you in a place where you dig deep, and your presence, just how you are is all Tia needs, and even then it’s at four feet away.

    I find it fascinating that she wanted space, and preferred the thorny branches. I have witnessed similar things. Nature is their home, and there is comfort for them in it.

    That you knew to bring her home to die on the earth. Wow. That you then stayed “connected” to support her in her dying process, but not to hold her to this world, but rather walk that fine line of being there and allowing her to do what she needed to do. That is the ultimate parting gift.

    Grief from an unexpected death is its own whammy. It is painful. When it’s happened to me, I’ve cleared my calendar for months to make space for it, to turn toward it as best I can, to feel it all and not hold anything away, but rather embrace it. For it is from the love between you and Tia. What a loss. Virtual hugs to you.

    Reply
    • October 10, 2021 at 9:29 am
      Permalink

      I’m sorry, I misspelled her name, Tiah.

      Reply
  • October 10, 2021 at 3:31 pm
    Permalink

    So sorry you lost your girl Tiah. Thank you for sharing your process and her beauty with us. Sending love to you alll…….

    Reply
  • October 10, 2021 at 5:25 pm
    Permalink

    Thanks to ALL of you for your beautiful sharings here ❤️

    I feel honored to have midwifed Tiah a GOOD DEATH. I feel this is a crucial part of our incarnation, and transformative for all involved, if we are able to hold the space required for what wants to happen. And of course, each death is different. No rules.

    Tiah came to me in the dreamtime 2 nights after her release and we had cuddles and I got to stroke her bunny-soft fur – the main thing I’d been missing about her physical self ❤️ So that was a blessing.

    Then yesterday we were in one of her favourite forests and I did OM for her in the middle of it. Then I imagined her romping with us and she said, “Oh stop it – I’m no longer in dog form!” LOL yet another fierce female reprimanding me for not staying with the BIGGER truth. Sorry Tiah, us 3D people take a little longer to adjust!

    I have ideas about why she left now… time will tell if they’re correct. But for sure, she’s not gone, she needed to work from another dimension on the next piece of what we’re trying to accomplish here (elephant-horse-dolphin-whale), since she is my right-hand gal 🙂

    Of course, I would rather have her physically with me – no question. And even though I know the truth of her existence, the tears are still close to the surface. It’s all good. It’s all part of the process. The carving of the container deeper and wider. The growing ability to hold and experience ALL of life. Namaste.

    Reply
  • October 10, 2021 at 7:10 pm
    Permalink

    Loving you All, in the All of Everything. honoring you All. in the All of Everything. willingly surRendering the whole of the self to Love , willingly surRendering into the cauldron of Great Great Grief we season and ferment , ever more tenderizing and transmogrifiying, allways and ever Metta Amour Fuzz-izing into the as yet un-Image-in-able vastness, the soul of griever and beloved entwine in a new configuration, a New conglomerate Being is gestating. . Beloved, Tiah, JIni and family. Bless you on your new journey, with all my love xoxoxo

    Reply
  • October 11, 2021 at 2:42 am
    Permalink

    Sending love and gratitude to you and your family. This was so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing and always teaching. Blessing to Tiah and her time her on this earth and above.

    Reply
  • October 11, 2021 at 8:31 am
    Permalink

    Dearest Jini,
    My deepest heart aching condolence for your loss of beautiful Tiah. I truly appreciate your thought processes and sharing your painful but empowering experience. Tears just flowed out of me as I understand completely of the freight speeding train impact feeling completely. My precious Ziggy, a 12 years young patterdale terrier was brutally murdered from an illegal high speeding white truck driver. I, too, cannot understand why poor Ziggy had to die this way & guilt has plagued me ever since. It was helpful to read your sensations you got from Tiah… I wished I had that skill… I did have a dream of Ziggy laying on my bed but he wouldn’t let me touch him, strange but I respected his boundary. I miss him every single day and so I truly empathize your missing Tiah’s physical presence. Yes, we 3D humans take a while grieve and mourn. May Ziggy and Tiah prance in dog’s heaven.

    Reply
  • October 12, 2021 at 5:47 pm
    Permalink

    I’m so sorry to hear about your earthly separation. Tiah was a beautiful, intelligent soul.

    Reply
  • October 17, 2021 at 8:07 am
    Permalink

    At times like these it isn’t the mind that languages the sorrow, it is the heart. It is the heart that connects us to each other. It is love that builds the ties and love that releases them; unconditional, powerful love.
    So, as I sit here, in quiet meditation, I am moved to the place where speaking language isn’t a part of the lexicon; where I ‘see’ Tiah, and my Willow and my Bridget doing what they do best i.e. how to be the best of companions that teach and protect, as well as showing us how to play. They truly know how to ‘be here now.’
    The music that is shared is also heart-speak; thank you Kesia for the expressive music you share with us….for getting it right.
    I swirl the love I feel for my Singing Herd companions, and push it out to ebb and flow. Tiah has been released from this place and time and space because of the wisdom of the ceremony and her spirit is free to continue the journey, and although she isn’t here in the 3D, her love for you remains, always.
    Wise Tiah, now ancestor Tiah (and for me, Willow and Bridget)(and for all the horses, dogs, cats in all our lives), I appreciate and am grateful for all that you share and teach us. May we remain and continue to grow in the wisdom you’ve taught, may we hear you when you share with us in other dimensions, and please help us to process our grief at the loss of you in this here and now as it touches and surprises us in our day to day lives.
    Loving you all in a very special way, C

    Reply
    • October 17, 2021 at 11:25 pm
      Permalink

      Thank you Claudia. Love everything you’ve written here. xox

      Reply
  • October 18, 2021 at 3:45 am
    Permalink

    I was so shocked and upset a week ago when I learned about Tiah…I’d recently been appreciating her so much, seeing how she was around the horses, her immense sensitivity and then suddenly she departed…. Yes, I really felt the grief too. Yet I agree that to create a sacred departure is a huge gift for all. For my beloved cat Liam, Trouvé, who also left suddenly, we were able to be close together, he in my arms. He is in his Big Self now, as is Tiah and they both communicate that it is joyous. I agree that the tears are part of the opening of the heart and I’m heartened by everyone’s sharings here. Send much love to you Jini as always, and to all who come together in this circle for the amazing teachings and wisdom.

    Reply
    • October 18, 2021 at 3:49 pm
      Permalink

      I am in the middle of editing a new Workshop on the Fierce Feminine Rachel, and Tiah is throughout the videos! She is not gone in so many ways xox

      Reply
      • October 19, 2021 at 1:56 am
        Permalink

        Then I realized Tiah and Liam were both the same age, 7 years…Interesting about your workshop, and how lovely that Tiah is teaching in it! (Right now I am an antsy female, :)))

        Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

css.php