Aude’s Message: BE Who You Are Or You Will get Knocked Down!

Two days before the livestream message from Kaliah, her daughter Xadaa ran over my husband, Ian.

Xadaa and Audelina were in a fenced-off area which included the hay storage arena and about 50-feet along the barn road. I was off doing other things and Ian was in there spending lots of time grooming and scratching Aude.

Then I came out to get Ian a better pair of gloves from my truck. So Ian pulled off his gloves and was waiting inside the arena panels at the end of the barn road.

At that moment, Audelina came down the barn road and drove Xadaa away from her, out of her space. Now if Ian had stayed calm and grounded in his spot, he would have been okay. If he’d grabbed onto an arena panel and hoisted himself up a rung, he would have been okay. Instead, his body chose to run in front of Xadaa, in the path/direction Aude was driving her.

Ian’s left-side injuries

Xadaa knocked into Ian and he stumbled and fell down on the rocky barn road. From my vantage point it looked like she went right over top of him, but she must have jumped him as he had no hoof bruisings on him. In fact, his only injuries were to his left hand/thumb and his left knee.

I went to the tackroom to get a colloidal silver spray and water to flush his cuts clean and Xadaa followed me straight out and over to Kaliah to nurse.

Aude came out too, as I was re-entering the arena, and when I looked up again, she, Xadaa and Posa were deep in meditation by the tackroom – with Cobra flanking them. They stayed like this until we left the barn, about 20 minutes later.

Xadaa, Posa, Aude, Cobra & Siyone in the foreground

Interestingly, Ian behaves just like an animal after trauma and was pacing around quickly – releasing the adrenalin cascade through movement. He was so angry Aude did that to him, especially after he’d spent such a close time of connection with her.

Now, if this was a normal horsemanship blog, this is the point where we’d talk about natural herd behaviour, herd ranking and movement, dominance, etc.

But because we’re us, let’s go to the deeper level of what happened and WHY – what is the message?

Ian spent that evening and the entire next day/night going deep within himself. I pointed out that because his injuries were all on his left side (feminine) that the message did not require action, but rather, intuition; receiving wisdom from his body and higher self. So he pretty much went into hibernation, I brought him food and drinks, and he only emerged for a couple of debriefs to discuss what he was receiving, feeling, thinking, over the next day and a half.

Although he also received a number of smaller messages, the main message/wisdom was this:

You must not give up your circle of power / your vertical / your grounding and connection to the divine, for anyone or any reason.

Trust and love (for other people/beings), are different things and are not connected to you holding your vertical – they have nothing to do with each other. You must hold your guidance and not give that up for any reason.

Saying, “Well, I wouldn’t choose do that, but I trust you.” is not good.

Saying, “I don’t agree with that, but I love you, so I’ll go along.” is not okay.

The message is, you must stand in your truth, or you will suffer as a consequence.

Audelina and Cobra

The day before this happened, our house was appraised, as our mortgage is coming up for renewal, and Ian spent 2 hours on the phone with an accountant/adviser. We have some big decisions to make and might even be able to purchase our own chunk of land soon. So of course, it was vital that Ian receive this message and stand in his own wisdom as we discuss our future.

At one point, Ian said, “Yes, but I don’t even like horses! They’ve always scared me and there’s no way I’d have horses if it wasn’t for you. So now I’m looking at being leveraged to the hilt just so we can buy land… for something I don’t even want. But I trust you, and I trust your guidance. And I love you, so I want to help you out and I want what’s best for you.”

And I replied, “No! What did Audelina just teach you? And of course, she is just the vehicle for your higher self/guidance. But what was her message about standing in your truth, not giving up your vertical, your guidance, for any reason? And that this has nothing to do with love or trust! Those are separate things – don’t lump them together.”

I remember when I received this very same lesson from Montaro years ago. I remember how shocked and hurt I was that he could physically hurt me when there was SO much love and trust between us. How could you do that to me?! And he too, told me that my grounding/connection/power has nothing to do with love or trust.

I guess as humans, we just automatically lump all these things together in one bag. But the horses have shown me that abdicating your own body wisdom, or giving up your divine guidance, because you trust someone, or because you love them, is nonsense. That love and trust in another has nothing to do with abandoning your connection to Source.

That doesn’t mean that you part ways with everyone you love because they don’t want what you want! It means that you both stand in your truth and then figure out how to meet both your needs.

The solution is not for you both to compromise – again, that just means that neither of you is honoring your guidance. It means that you look for the 3rd alternative – the solution that meets both your needs/desires, that hasn’t been done, or thought of, before.

If Ian’s truth is that he doesn’t want to lose half his income paying for horses, then he needs to stand in the power of that truth and not worry about how his truth affects me. His truth/guidance is separate from his love for me.

I said to Ian, “If you stand in that truth, then we split our money after basic living costs are paid, and I only have my half to pay for the horses. Then I need to decide what I can afford and how I will care for them. And maybe you holding to your vertical, will then open up other avenues of possibility. Maybe the universe cannot bring me other options, or help, as long as you are helping pay for them. Maybe the universe needs you to stand in your truth and take your energy (money is energy) out of the picture!”

And of course, standing in your truth can be spoken with love. Ian could say to me, “You know that I love you and I only want what’s best for you. So I wish I wanted what you want, but I don’t. I’m just not willing to have my income go towards the horses – that doesn’t feel right or good to me. So we need to split our money and then you can spend your share however you wish. But I’m here to support you emotionally, and to help you brainstorm ideas, because I do believe in what you’re doing – it’s just not my gig, it needs to be all yours.”

Ian standing in his truth, his vertical, will change the course of events. It will also change the choices I have to make and the options before me. But that will be a good thing. Because the truth is always a good thing. The truth always sets us free. It may take some time, but in the end, the truth will stand.

I don’t know what we’ll decide, or what the next steps will be. There are lots of signs floating around and lots of factors to consider, and my dialogue with the horses continues… so we will see! Watch this space…

Kaliah, Makah-Mahpee and Xadaa
Aude’s Message: BE Who You Are Or You Will get Knocked Down!

6 thoughts on “Aude’s Message: BE Who You Are Or You Will get Knocked Down!

  • March 29, 2020 at 8:02 pm

    Wow! you guys are truly inspirational!What you shared spoke to me big time. Thankyou.
    It will be amazing to see how it pans out!
    Namaste to all and big hugs
    Erin 🌳🐎

    • March 29, 2020 at 9:05 pm

      Doing LOTS of journaling, meditating and sitting with the herd Erin – I too am very interested to see what happens next!

  • April 1, 2020 at 6:07 am

    Recently someone said to me that they were going to speak their truth and I thought how egocentric that sounded because they were bulldozing themselves threw others. Instead I thought I would live my truth as a greater alternative. That means to me that I will stand vertical, as you put it. This involves being aware and loving toward all. It also means if a horse (or financial crisis or virus) is charging at me I need to pay attention without letting fear overwhelm living my truth. Living my truth is dynamic; I seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with G-d as I understand Them. Now comes the more difficult part. I know that if I pray only for knowledge of Their will, and the power to carry that out I will be able to stand before the stampeding herd (or financial crisis or raging virus)and live my truth. I must listen and be teachable. I also strongly believe that when I are partnered with my mate, it does not mean immeshment. Rather, we both hold hands and face forward together, in-step united in body, mind and spirit. I am still my own. He/she/they is still their own.
    Your example of this kind of love is heartwarming. It is the realm of the herd…..when danger is far off everyone turns to face it as one. Then as one they run to safety. I think we all are being forced to see and are now asked to run. If we don’t we will see there are consequences.
    The Universe is so mysterious and vast. But, if we with our little minds chose to listen, we will learn more than we could have guessed was there for us.
    Keep connected and keep keeping on.
    Be peace,

    • April 1, 2020 at 5:22 pm

      Yes. My favorite quote is by Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Who you are is speaking so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.”

      Cobra gave this same lesson to my barn help today: That him asking her to move away (setting a boundary) is NOT a rejection of her, and it is not to be confused with withholding or withdrawing love. That in fact, him testing her respect for his boundaries is because he desires an increase in the love and trust between them.

      It’s this dance, between being ONE in a herd and also having your personal space/boundaries respected that is so difficult for us humans to comprehend and action. Look at what’s just happened in Denmark – forced vaccination backed up by the police?? Does that sound like the government is respecting personal space or boundaries? How does even hearing that make us feel in our body? And yet… as above, so below – we force vaccinations and medications on our animals all the time, without ever asking their permission or honoring their own body wisdom.

      It is an interesting time/portal indeed. I just keep following the horses’ advice to hold my hope and positivity by connecting to Source and growing my energy bigger and bigger, pushing it out around me. That all of us who do this are connected like lights across the globe in a synergy far more powerful than we realize. No matter what happens, I keep returning to this discipline/practice. They asked me to film 2 of the energy/meditation practices Montaro and a tree have taught me – so first one is coming on Sunday 🙂 xox

  • April 3, 2020 at 7:23 am

    Oh Ian…I have a soft spot in my heart for him ever since the prey bird video! From his perspective it must be a hard balance! Loving you wanting to support what he knows is so important and precious to you but knowing he also needs to honor himself and the financial constraints we all have! I think sometimes my husband loses himself a bit to give to me, all he can! He is a softer go with the flow energy and has a hard time standing Vertical especially when it comes to me and my desire for the horses! I do help him! Because him staying true to his authentic self is so important to me too! I actually believe Buck is here to teach us both this very lesson! Staying and standing strong But not taking his actions personal! He is presenting us all with a strong in your face bulldozer biter energy and nips quite a bit! I believe it comes from his sense of play which he so eludes! I am very soft and patient with him when we are spending time together one on one and I speak my truth to him and ask him not to bite! He softens like a fluffy cloud and he is getting deeper and deeper in my heart and soul! But when I am doing chores and not in his space and he comes over to give me a light nip I do not tolerate it and I have learned to react quick and precise and then move on! No grudge no hurt feelings just tit for tat! I think he wants to help Bullet with this also? but Bullet is just to afraid of him when space is limited! But Bullet runs and runs and he is in such good shape from it now…so there is always an up side! My one request to Buck for him to come live with us was that he help the 3 horses move more and he takes his job very seriously! Strong but soft it’s not easy but definitely an important attribute to learn and apply to life! ✌🏼❤️🐴

    • April 5, 2020 at 7:26 pm

      Buck’s behaviour reminds me of lessons I’ve had from Montaro and Jax – the call for me was not to respond in kind, but to learn how to run/hold my energy ALL the time. During chores, when I felt crappy, frustrated, etc. If I did that, they would not be aggressive with me. If I forgot – they would remind me and I would do my work. On bad days, I had to first drain all my shitty energy into the earth, and then run good prana. They would leave me alone while I was draining energy (sometimes it’s easier to drain that stuff while shoveling manure). Today, Xadaa plays that role for me.

      I find they are always working/supporting us towards our brilliance. Strong but soft is an admirable goal 🙂 xoxo


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