In The Jaws of a Horse

There is a shockingly primal fear that takes hold when an animal seizes more than half your skull in its jaws. It feels like my left ear, around the back of my head, to my right temple has been clamped in a vise grip, then pulled sharply to the left – just a little bit – and released.

I am left reeling, stumbling, wondering if my body will collapse into unconsciousness. Yet I am rapidly calculating a checklist to discern whether I am in the process of dying, or severely injured, or miraculously okay. In those first few moments I actually have no idea.

I am in full-body shock response but I am also in mental and emotional shock. I have been with horses since I was 2 years old and have never been bitten beyond a skin bruise – ever. One minute Jax was standing quietly, calmly behind and to the left of me and the next moment, half my head was inside his mouth. How is that even physically possible, anyway?!

I am completely confused and emotionally devastated with betrayal. How will I ever trust Jax again?? Will I ever trust any horse again? He was not penned up with me, I was not asking him to do anything, we were in an open field for god’s sake. WHY would he need to bite me – and so violently – why didn’t he just take off if he didn’t like… whatever!

As blood plops down my neck and drips onto my clavicle, Leroy says, “Oh, your ear is bleeding.” I hadn’t noticed. Now that I’m noticing, it feels like the blood drips are speeding up and increasing. Shit. I have no water, mirror, nothing out here. Ah but I have a phone. I get Leroy to take a picture so I can assess the damage. Ok, good, unless my ear is severed right through, I won’t have to go to the hospital.

Let’s stop there though. And back way up to the actual beginning of this story. And let’s go beyond the physical reality and I’ll tell you the entire story – as well as I can interpret it today – with all the layers of existence. Consider that your ‘wiggidy-woo-woo’ alert. I don’t know why I keep ending up in these stories that are so far out there, that I question the value of even attempting to tell them. But something in me just goes, ‘fuck it, I’m gonna tell the story.’ So here we go…

A Trailer is a Trailer is a Trailer…

I have just bought a custom-made horse trailer that cost as much as a car, is as wide as an 18-wheeler, that I had to wait 6 months for. The 2 hour drive home alone and across the border with it caused me so much stress I went into a fever that night. Did I mention I’m spatially-challenged? By the third day I am feeling well enough to move it from in front of my house, out to my barn. Getting it through the driveway to the horse property nearly gives me heart failure – somehow I manage it and do not scratch up one side of the new trailer on the way in. Lord. I drive down the barn road and then stop at the entrance to the paddock.

My new Featherlite Custom Stock trailer – 8′ wide, 8′ high, 20′ long

There’s no way in hell I’ll be able to park the trailer myself in the gravel paddock, and the gate from the paddock to the open field now looks shorter than 10 feet wide. But I have timed my arrival with the low-sugar hay delivery and my hay guy, Gordie, is an absolute gem and long-time driver of massive vehicles. I’m pretty sure he will help me. Sure enough, Gordie hops in my truck – but not before testing the post on the field gate to see if he can remove it if he has to. He too is not sure the trailer’s going to fit through there. But he gets it through, with barely an inch to spare on either side.

Gordie goes back to unloading and stacking the hay while I take half an hour to park the trailer in a completely open field – to get it exactly where I want it. Obviously I am going to need a LOT of practice to be able to back this thing up anywhere, and I am feeling quite defeated and wondering whether I should have bought the damn thing in the first place.

Luckily I have this tough little scrappy fighter inside of me that gets up and says, “Oh yeah, we’ll see about that!” So I don’t stay feeling like a useless loser for too long. But I still feel beleaguered and fragile and very weary.

My friend Lori comes out and we do some trailer play with the horses for a bit, which makes me feel better. She and Gordie both drive off and I’ve been on the go for 3 hours now – my protein shake breakfast was a long time ago, but I still need to tarp the hay stack and clear up, stock all the slow feeders with about 500 lbs of hay, and then go unhook my trailer and secure it in an enclosure of arena panels.

By the time I’ve done everything but create the enclosure, I’m pretty freakin’ exhausted. I had thought about asking my friend Lori to help me with the arena panels, but she’s battling adrenal exhaustion and just had an IV Vitamin C and Meyer’s cocktail bag that morning. So no way am I going to ask her to help me and then she’s knocked out for the next few days. She has 4 kids and needs to keep all the energy she can.

My husband is down in the States, my mum was up all night helping my brother and his wife birth their first baby, my other friend just moved to a neighboring city and is nursing a sick dog, my son is in school. I’ve really been working on asking for help and not trying to do everything myself, but I have failed to plan ahead and now I don’t know who to ask. In my defense, I did just come off a fever and even my brain is still fuzzy.

Sometimes one of the neighboring teens helps me at the barn so I call to see if he’s home. He’s at work, but his brother Leroy can come out for a bit. Thank god. I am so relieved. I really felt if I had tried to set up all the arena panels by myself, I may have had an accident from pushing my body too far. But. I also cannot leave a $30,000 trailer sitting open in the field! By morning the horses could have easily done $5,000 worth of damage.

Let the shit show begin…

As Leroy walks down the field towards me, in my exhausted, fragile, frantic state, I completely forget that the last time he did some barn work, the horses told me he was not allowed to come back. They had told me Leroy is not allowed in their space. But I have forgotten that. All I notice now, as he walks towards me, is that he is surrounded by dark entities/energies. “Oh shit.” I think. I start to run As Above So Below but I am too tired to run it properly, or for long enough to adequately build my chi.

Whatever. Let’s just get this done so I can go home.

The horses – who had been calm all morning – are now swarming us. They are everywhere, darting in and out. If I was at all cognizant, I would have wondered why they were so agitated. Instead, I just say to Leroy, “Just put your body where you feel safe, move to the other side of the arena panel if you have to.”

I feel irritated that Leroy is so weak, he’s like this little waif who has wasted away. I’ve known his family for years and even though he’s always done a lot of drugs, he’s maintained a wiry strength. But not now. Today he can barely lift half an arena panel. ‘Oh for fuck’s sake,’ I think, ‘Now I’m almost doing the job myself anyway, but I get to pay him too.’ Oh well, at least he helps with the balancing part – so the panels don’t fall over when I’m hooking them together.

Audelina keeps standing right in front of me as I’m trying to carry a panel and won’t budge. Jayzus, WHY is everyone being so annoying?! I just want to get this freakin’ job done and go home!

Do I stop to think WHY the herd is being so obstructive, or why they’re stopping my forward movement, or what they have to say? No. Do I even stop and think for 2 minutes that if I give them some alfalfa that would probably keep them all busy and away from the trailer? No. Because that’s the state I’m in. And when I get it in my head that X MUST BE DONE, I’m like a freight train moving down the tracks – get out the way!! This train don’t stop for nobody or no thing.

We are about three-quarters finished the job, I am standing near the tongue of the trailer with Jax behind my left shoulder and Juno next to me. Leroy is on the other side of the arena panel. Both Jax and Juno are just standing there calmly and Wham! Jax has wrapped his jaw around my skull and actually bit my freakin head!! I stumble back as my hands fly to the sides of my head, “Jax!!!” I yell, “What the fuck did you do that for??!!” He moves in front of me to stand between me and Leroy. Still calm and quiet, but his ears are back.

I start waving at him, shake a piece of baling twine at him to get him away from me, but he doesn’t budge – I am a mere fly. So I step around him and move about 6 or 7 feet away. I can’t figure out why my Wizard horse has suddenly turned full-on Psycho. I cannot believe he just did that me – I cannot believe that any of my horses would have ever done that to me. At the same time I’m wondering if I’m going to lose consciousness or if I’m okay.

At that moment Leroy pipes up, “Um… I don’t feel safe here. What do you want me to do with this arena panel, it’s just loose?” We never got a chance to attach it and now he’s asking the dying person what to do with it??

I mumble something like, “I don’t know, just do whatever you want!” So does he lean it against the panels we’ve already erected? Does he lean it against a tree or bush? No. He just lets it fall away from him into the 3 horses that are standing under the trailer tongue, the horses standing between him and I. Jax, Juno and Zorra leap away in the only direction they can go, which is straight into me. I do some completely unconscious aikido maneuvers, while they twist sideways in mid-air and somehow we manage to avoid collision.

I look at Leroy aghast. As the blood drips down my hair and neck, I say, “We’re done here. Let’s go in.” As we enter the barn I turn to Leroy and say:

“You know these entities around you are not positive energies…”

“Oh I know,” he says, “I’ve been doing black magic for quite a while now. I really like it.”

“Okay, but, you saw how the horses behaved out there – they can see all this stuff that we can’t. Their behaviour is showing you that these entities are not safe to work with. Jax has never, ever bitten me – none of my horses has ever done anything like that.”

“Well, they don’t hurt me.” he says. I look at Leroy standing there, his body is completely wasted away, the only part of him alive is his eyes, but they change fairly constantly and they are not his eyes.

“Leroy,” I say, as my head throbs and blood drips, “YOU are incarnated. They are not. They do not exist in this dimension, but you do. You are the one who needs to live in this physical body, in this dimension.”

“Oh it’s fine,” he says, “I’ve performed a merging ceremony with them and I’m only about 10% here anyway. There’s a group of about 5 of us who do this work and we get together and do ceremonies with marijuana and other drugs.” He grins happily,  “I do this for a living now, I have a client in about an hour.”

I look at not-his-eyes that come alive and sparkle as he talks and I give up. “Okay,” I say, “I take responsibility for not protecting myself adequately when I saw you walking towards me with all your buddies. I also did not protect the space. I own that and I own my responsibility. But you can never work here again. You must not come into the horses’ space again.”

As I speak, it kinds of sounds like a pronouncement, or a declaration.

“Okay,” he says, “well, sorry about your ear.” And he walks away.

I go sit in my truck, drink some water, eat some cashews, shake, cry, take some pictures of my ear to find out how it’s doing now. I think to myself, okay, I’ll just settle and then I’ll drive home very carefully. Then I think, no you will not, you mustn’t drive with a head injury, the last time you did that it didn’t go so well!

I try texting my 17-yr-old son in school to see if he can skip school, bus out to me, and drive me home. Then I realize that my Dad lives right near the school and could drive him out to me. My son has a test and can’t come, but my Dad instantly says, “Don’t move. Mum and I will be right there and we’ll drive you home.”

My Dad is a retired eye doctor, so first thing he’s worried about is concussion or hematoma (burst blood vessel) in the brain. So he has me stand there and look far left, far right, up high and down low – with my eyeballs only, without moving my head. He wants to see if I get double-vision in any position. But I’m fine. I climb into the car with my mum and he drives my dogs home in my truck. I tell my mum the story as I drive – she was a Buddhist for 15 years, then became an evangelical Christian for the last 40 years, so she’s a-okay with stories about spirits and sentient animals. My Dad is Hindu so he can hear my story, but he doesn’t think I should have 5 horses anyway, so there’s that.

And WHAT meaning do I assign to this story? I think about it over the next couple of days. I talk to my friend who’s an animal communicator, my other friend who’s a seer, my other friend who channels a spirit guide, my wise and wonderful 14-year-old daughter who just holds me in her arms and flows love into me as I talk. And I let it sit in my being.

After Leroy left, I sat in the barn near (but not too near) Jax and asked him, “Why did you do that?” As tears streamed down my cheeks, “How could you do that to me? How will I ever be able to trust you again, knowing you’re capable of that?? How will I ever feel safe with you again? Maybe I’ll never feel safe with any of you again! Maybe I’m gonna have to change the entire way we operate around here now because never in my life would I have believed one of you would intentionally attack me like that – for any reason!”

Jax munched his hay and looked at me calmly, “It was the only way to get you to stop.

“Couldn’t you have just knocked me over?”

Nope, you would have just gotten up and kept going.

“Ok, then you could have bit me somewhere else.”

Nope. Had to be blood. Only blood would stop you. Easiest place to make you bleed is your head.

He is right. When I’m in train-mode I’m almost unstoppable. Only a lot of blood – blood that requires stillness to clot – and a really good knock would have stopped me. Because in addition to my emotional/mental state on that day, I had been skank-a-mank energy for weeks (months?) already. But stop me from what exactly? Surely the punishment should be equitable to the crime? I can’t get nailed like that just because my energy has been manky, because I’m working through stuff I can’t seem to resolve, I’m doing my best for god’s sake.

Jax & me

The channeled guide said:

“Jax bit you because of your frustration and disappointment. It was a summary of all that you’re feeling; run down, exposed, working with dark entities you invited in (Leroy), you left Jax no choice. He grabbed you and said, ‘What-the-fuck?? Wake up! Stop the madness.’ Which you did.

You have a perfection, but you want better perfection. That’s not wrong, but if you want to be calmer and not be bitten, you need to be PEACE, slow, and strong. You need to stop living in the future, you’re giving it too much power and energy. Until you become present with your family, it will be a circus of excuses of why you can’t be happy.

Don’t feel it’s unsafe when you play in their domain. Jax wasn’t playing, he was frustrated, slapping you round the head, saying, what the fuck are you doing?

You feel betrayed and hurt, but they just carry on. It shouldn’t stop you, but be wiser. It’s a wake-up call. You shouldn’t have been there, you CANNOT put yourself into positions like that; you’ll hurt yourself more.”

The animal communicator said:

“The back of the head is a vulnerable entry point for entities. Jax grabbed something that was trying to get in and flung it away. He is like a child who acted solely on wisdom, intuition – without really understanding what he was doing, or the consequences that would follow afterwards. It overtook him. It was an opportunity for his deep, deep wisdom to come through and it surprised even him. He is also now processing what happened and the role he stepped into.”

I know this happens. An equine bodyworker once arrived at my barn and she had already been kicked twice in the same leg that day. I said to her, “Did you check whether you have anything attached or hanging out near your leg?” She said, “Oh for Pete’s sake, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!” I asked if she needed some help with that and she said, “Nope. I have a process for things like this.” So she went off to a corner of the paddock and did her thing – turns out it was a wolf spirit. After clearing it, she worked on my herd no problem, and the rest of her day was smooth.

The seer said:

“Jax had to get you away from Leroy! You were too vulnerable – you know how those entities work, all they need is a foothold in and they can follow you home. And then you bring that into your house, with your kids??! No. If you had been your usual strong, grounded self, no problem. But you were too weak and vulnerable and your horses knew that. I can just imagine them: Oh lord, what’s she gone and done now?! Okay Aude you kick her. Nah, she’ll just keep working. Ok Zorra, how about you knock her down. Nah, she’ll just get back up and carry on. Okay, Jax buddy, it’s over to you – do what you gotta do…

So who’s right? What is the real story here? In a way, they’re all saying the same thing – they just have slightly different explanations for what Jax himself told me: “I had to stop you.”

Of course I wish there was a kinder, gentler way for him to stop me! I have to say, it was a particularly horrifying experience and I hope to never experience anything remotely like that again. I’m probably going to be really jumpy around Jax for a long time – because the body has its own memory.

Part of me feels its unfair for Jax to decide I need a traumatic intervention – who’s to say that’s less trauma for me than bringing home one of Leroy’s buddies — which makes me cringe just to write that, by the way. Part of me feels my horses shouldn’t ever hurt me like that, for any reason. That I’m just never going to be okay with that.

The other part of me notices that I have almost no swelling and no visible bruising on my head. Only tender spots where his teeth went. He bit my ear hard enough to make it bleed good, but he didn’t sever it, or disfigure it. Only a day later, my ear is no longer even swollen around the bite and is healing up well.

I’m also going to watch for any positive changes in my body, because I’m reminded of the last time a horse nailed me out of the blue… and she fixed something in my neck that had prevented me from titling my head back for 20 years. Since then, I can tilt my head all the way back, freely and with no pain.

That event happened under similar circumstances, there was absolutely no warning from the horse (who belonged to my friend, Kesia). One minute she was eating quietly, the next second, WHAM she hit me on the left side of my head so hard it spun me away and cracked my neck. When I yelled, “Wtf did you do that for??!!” she just gazed at me with soft, loving eyes.

So yeah, I am open to whatever healing is here for me in this experience.

One thing I noticed fairly quickly is that the top palate of my mouth is wider. I have always had a very high, narrow palate and even looked into getting a palate-expander. But now I have a little more width there. The other thing I noticed soon after he bit me, is that my temporomandibular joint (TMJ) was really sore on both sides of my jaw. I wondered if I would be confined to soft, mushy foods for the next few days. But I did some stretching with the joint ligaments and eating has not been a problem. I wonder if he shifted anything in my head, jaw, neck, etc. I will observe over the next few weeks and see if I notice anything.

After I got home that day, I called a friend to see if she could swing by the barn and finish setting up the arena panels around the trailer. Of course she could and why didn’t I ask sooner? She got there about 4 hours after I left, but the horses had touched nothing.

Greater power = Greater responsibility

I also wonder if this is a wake-up call for me as well with regards to taking greater responsibility for my emotional state. I remember going through a similar process when I developed my healing abilities. When you get really good at healing illness, you get equally good at manifesting it, really fast! If I manage my stress, negativity, clear any past traumas or negative patterns/beliefs as they are offered up for healing, quickly, then I will stay healthy. If I allow myself to descend into a funk and do not heal negativity as it arises, then I can become sick very quickly. With greater power, comes greater responsibility.

So I have worked with this posse to develop pretty powerful techniques, awareness, communication, intimacy… the words from the channeled guide keep echoing in my head: you left Jax no choice. So what negativity might I have unleashed upon all of us, had I been allowed to continue in my disconnected, discombobulated, frantic, ungrateful, frustrated, agitated state? The greater the power, the greater the train wreck if I don’t sort myself out.

If I’m honest, I’ve been in this state for months now – some days are better than others, but my dissatisfaction with my daily life, my yearning/vision for something else (300 acres!), which results in a lack of gratitude for what I do have, has been my dominant theme for way too long.

So this is my wake-up call. I must shift perspective. I must make peace with what is. I can no longer wait to feel different about what is. I must use my self-discipline to force myself to seek gratitude. I must use my self-discipline every day to focus on all the things I can do to grow my business, parent my children well, and get a better support team for my horses!

Capucine Gaudry, one of our fellow Horse Listeners, wrote a beautiful response to Kesia’s last post. In her comment, she questions, “why am I not more actively pursuing this dream of mine? Have I “moved on” once again? The more I ponder the question, the more anxious I become. The more I search for an answer, the less I get answers.” And as her horse Frisson leads her to an epiphany, she finally experiences a shift and realizes the release came, “because I let go of the blockage of expecting and wondering why I wasn’t moving, and had surrendered completely to this state of acceptance of what is.”

This is confirmation – the very next day – of what the channeled guide said to me, “You need to stop living in the future, you’re giving it too much power and energy. Until you become present with your family, it will be a circus of excuses of why you can’t be happy.”

Visioning vs. Being Present

This is something I have always had difficulty with. One of my top talents is my ability to envision things and bring them into being. However, the more beings I have birthed into my family, the more difficult this has become. I wrote about the frustration of wanting something different, yet not wanting to wreck my kids’ lives in a post almost a year ago. This post struck such a chord of resonance that people wrote beautiful stories of their own journeys in the comments section. I continue to meet people experiencing this same dilemma: Of wanting/needing/dreaming something different than is possible for their situation at this time. And I still don’t have an answer.

I know the standard answer is that you wait until all your kids have graduated high school and then you make your move to create the life you want. Everyone is pretty much in agreement that we don’t disrupt our kids’ lives to service our own dreams, goals, or visions. And yet, this rankles me still. I am unhappy, I am ungrateful to the universe that the divine has not yet figured out a way to meet all our needs! This is what I’ve been holding space for. I don’t believe anything is ‘impossible’. I have not given up my dream or vision of my own ranch, to wait until my children graduate. I have held out for the 3rd alternative; the as-yet-unknown solution where we can all get what we want. I believe ALL things are possible!

And yet. Here I still am. And now I have received a pretty severe message that I must ‘stop living in the future’. That I’m ‘giving it too much power and energy.’ And this terrifying experience is the result. Do I want a repeat of that? No! So I must give up my quest, my expectation, my continual wondering (frustration) as to why I don’t have a ranch. Why I am still living a life I don’t want…

But perhaps that is where the breakdown is happening. When I make a list (on paper) of ALL the things I want, dream and vision for my life… turns out I actually already have almost everything I want! In fact, the ONLY thing missing is the land in a sunnier climate.

How could I have not noticed this??

I think it’s because my vision of that land is also tied to an entire lifestyle, along with a different way of living. But perhaps the universe has a way of manifesting the spirit/essence of what I want – the actual experience – in a different way. But because I’ve been clinging so rabidly to what I see as the manifestation (300+ acres in California!) I have grid-locked us.

And as so many have pointed out, perhaps the key to releasing this blockage is simply to let go of my questioning, expectation, wondering why it hasn’t happened – the way I’ve envisioned it – yet??

I know that life moves in flow; and the universe flows in expansion.

Contraction squeezes or shuts down the flow of the universe. I’ve just never realized that why-why-why? questioning, or pressured expectation, is a form of contraction. So I have actively, daily, been constricting the flow of possibility in my life.

As this realization dawns on me and really sinks in, I realize that I need to go even deeper to shift this blockage. Because if I just try to action this, it will mean that I have to use my self-discipline to force myself to feel grateful every day. Hoping that after 30 days of forcing myself, maybe it will become habit and I’ll start to spontaneously feel gratitude. Maybe. But I sense – as with most blockages that make no sense – that there is something deeper going on.

So I do an EFT Tapping session on myself – but I record it and I use open-ended language so that viewers can tap along and apply it to their own situation. If you’ve found yourself resonating with anything I’ve been saying here, I encourage you to watch this video and tap along! Change the words if you like, to make them more applicable where needed:

Note: I have no idea what’s happening with the lighting in this video – I only have one overhead light in my office and it is not flickering, nor on a dimmer, so…? Yet one more interesting aspect.

During this session I uncover a belief pattern I established in childhood that is no longer serving me and is in fact blocking me from experiencing gratitude. This is a common occurrence – we adopt a coping mechanism, behaviour pattern, or make a vow that keeps us safe during our childhood. But once we are autonomous adults, this very same pattern now cripples, blocks or sabotages us.

The beauty of mind/body therapies, like EFT, is they lead us into the subconscious, or the body memory, where these patterns are stored. Then we can access and clear them, or transform them to something that serves us better.

By the time I finish this tapping session – as you may be able to see – I feel lighter! I feel so much more free, and joyful! I am excited as to how this will play out over the next few weeks. But I know that something very deep and significant has shifted.

Already, when I think about the upcoming challenges at the place I board my herd, with winter looming, I feel a can-do attitude, rather than the frustration and overwhelm I was previously feeling.

I feel a peace I have not felt in a looooong time. I am excited about the year ahead. My family will no doubt breathe a sigh of relief as the bands of tension I have surrounded us with have just released.

Massive shift. And all it took was nearly getting my head bitten off.

And the horses?

I didn’t see my herd the day after the bite. I needed some time to recover and I also didn’t want to drive yet. When I went back the second day I stood at the gate for a long time. I talked to them, I cried, I released some more. I asked all of them to give me space, that I would need some time to feel safe with them again. They did as I asked and no one came anywhere near me for the next 45 minutes while I did the chores and filled the slow feeders with hay.

As I was filling the last slow feeder, little Juno came over to steal hay out of the bale in my wheelbarrow. They know this is not allowed – because I don’t want to clean hay off the gravel – the hay in the wheelbarrow is mine, once it hits the slow feeder, it’s theirs. But he would not back away from the wheelbarrow and he would not stop pulling hay out of the bale. I ended up taking my coat and swinging it at him to get him to move back. He still wouldn’t budge. I swung harder and harder, using the keys in the pocket to weight the fluffy down jacket. My voice got stronger and louder. As I built to a crescendo of whipping and driving with my voice, part of me started to realize what he was doing.

It’s like the horses gave me my space, I was allowed to be small, scared Jini for a while, and then– enough. So young, sweet Juno came forward – Juno who has never challenged me, or been obstinate, or resistant – to call forth don’t-f**k-with-me-Jini and put her back in the driver’s seat. By the time he finished with me and I got him to move away from the hay, I was no longer a victim and my body was re-animated and strong.

The next day, after I’d been there an hour or so, Jax walked up as I was closing a gate, stood on the other side of it and blocked me from closing it. I took a deep breath, ‘Okay, so this is it eh?’ He was forcing/requesting that I re-engage with him. I noticed and appreciated that he had put a metal gate in between us. So I took another deep breath, felt into the energy between us, and then asked him very softly – with just a flicker of my fingers – if he would move on. He did and then stopped. I asked again in the same way. Once again, he walked forward a few feet and then stopped. I asked a third time, just as softly and respectfully, and he walked clear of the gate.

Primal vision

The other thing I’ve noticed after the incident, is that it seems to have awakened some sort of ‘primal vision’ ability. I call it primal because I suspect that hunter-gatherer humans had this increased sensitivity to be able to see or sense what was happening behind them.

1 week later – healing well, no stitches, only arnica and wild oregano oil

Sure enough, I discuss this with Kesia (who is a 3rd Dan Aikido teacher), and she tells me that part of their advanced Aikido training is to be attacked unawares – often from behind. She said, “As humans with our eyes right on the front of our head, we have to work to develop even our peripheral vision. So it’s like we need something really shocking to awaken our vision or sensing from the back of our head.”

The really interesting thing about all the interactions – or growth opportunities – I have had with horses, is that there is rarely just one purpose, or explanation of the incident. Our human minds love to have 1+1=2, or one cause equals one effect.

But these incidents with horses are usually multi-factorial and the learning can continue on, long after the incident takes place. As you can see from this post, the answer to the question, “Why did Jax bite my head?” is pretty multi-layered and synergistic.

“When you start reaching a place of stillness, where you stop demanding things of your horses…where do you go from there, if not into the unexplored??”
– Kesia Nagata, Horse Listener

Click here to read Part 2 of this story…

Barn Meditation – Zorra, me, Tiah
In The Jaws of a Horse

31 thoughts on “In The Jaws of a Horse

  • September 30, 2017 at 8:23 am

    Holy Crap, OMG, WTf!!!!!!!
    That is one intense deep crazy experience you went through. I can’t even imagine having to feel that shock, pain and disbelief that one of your precious family members could be capable of such an act. Horses never seize to amaze me at the lengths they will go to awaken parts of us humans to make a point or teach us a something that just has to be. I agree this seems extreme and way over the top. But as you said it is the only way you would really wake the f up and take notice. Also more importantly stop! I just want to commend you that in the after math you took stock and realized that it was valuable in its own distorted (or in actuality in your face..literally) way and that it did have deep meaning that you needed. You are one tuff scrappy women and although I am sure this will have profound affects on you good and bad everything does happen for a reason. Being grateful for what is here and now is so vastly important. But being driven, strong & powerful …get it done women …we can move to intensely to accomplish our future desires. Life is so short and moves so quickly who can blame us for wanting to get to the place that we feel will bring us peace, fulfillment, harmony, and grace. I have to also remind myself on a daily basis to enjoy the journey so that I can truly appreciate and be grateful for the destination. Without the bad I don’t think any of us can truly appreciate the good. I relish in this almost everyday with all the things I perceive as negative, without them…. can I really be grateful for the positive? Hang in there Jini you are one of the souls I am grateful for and I will be sending you my supportive strength, love, and fierceness and I will also throw in some peace and harmony for good measure. ✌?️❤️?

    • October 1, 2017 at 9:30 pm

      Yes that’s really it Michelle – to be able to feel the beauty of yin/yang. To be able to find the space/place of appreciation in ALL experiences. Not just the ‘positive’ ones. Can’t say I’m there yet! But at least I’m further along than I was before. I do think that the more we can move into this space, the less we ‘feel’ the negative impact; the faster we heal, resolve and move on. I look forward to the day I can ‘enjoy’ so-called negative experiences, perhaps I can just find them interesting, and there won’t need to be any suffering involved, because there will be no (or very little) resistance. That would be a marvelous space to exist in!

  • September 30, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    I just love reading your woo-woo stories and putting it all out there. Life is one big mystery and you’re ability to observe it, participate in it and try to learn from it is an inspiration. I’ve been bitten once by a horse I completely trusted. Thankfully I had five layers of clothes on in the dead of winter so I only ended up with a bruise. But I will say that I had instant clarity about what he needed the moment he bit me. He was giving me the cues before that, but I didn’t realize what they were. Thanks to the bite, I now recognize those earlier cues, and he’s never needed to bite again. It reminds me of a really good fall in aikido. All energy dissipates upon impact and you’re left with only clarity.

    • October 1, 2017 at 8:06 pm

      I would love to hear more about this story Mary… I spent some time on your site yesterday, reading your posts about Chaco and all the various ways you’ve learned to notice and read his cues. We should all do more video on that process so that others can actually SEE what we’re talking about. I like the photos you’ve added to illustrate some of his cues though, they are really helpful and interesting – especially for newbies to this process.

      And I just LOVE this: “It reminds me of a really good fall in aikido. All energy dissipates upon impact and you’re left with only clarity.”

      That is simply brilliant.

      • October 2, 2017 at 12:42 am

        The time I got bitten was in my first year of horse ownership, and my horse was not well. The vet had come out, done his thing and then it was just monitor over night. I monitored until 5 am with a down coat and wool blanket for myself in the dead of winter. Things were improving, but I wasn’t sure especially since I only owned this horse for one year. I put my hands on him a lot that first year (and still do) and he liked it. This particular day at 5 am I still wanted to help him, was worried, so I was in his space looking for where I could put my hands on him to help him. He was giving me the occasional glare over about maybe 15 mintes, but I had never seen the glare play out so I didn’t realize what he was telling me. And then all of a sudden he reach his head out sideways, laid his ears back and bit me on the arm. Instinctively, I let out a screech, and then I had instant clarity. He was fine and I could go home and go to sleep. My worry about losing him was gone. It’s been several years since that incident. Now when I see that look in his eyes, he needs space, and I give it to him. If he needs something from me he will come over and ask by walking over to me and planting his body where he wants my hands. Or if I’ve already gone to my car, he’ll stare at me until I notice, and then I go back to him to see what he wants. The good news out of all of this is that we have a deeper mutual trust and I have a deeper understanding of his body language.

        Regarding a video, I haven’t figured out how to do the video and catch the moment of communication. Maybe a go-pro on my head as I walk around? Sometimes he’ll give me the glare when he doesn’t want me doing the camera/video thing because it’s outside the actual moment of what is. Have you figured out how to catch those moments?

        • October 6, 2017 at 11:15 am

          Oh the bristly glare, or the penetrating/magnetic stare – I know exactly what you’re talking about! One of my favorite things is to watch my herd communicate with each other; the looks, the slight shift in body position (often just a nose, or a foot, or the head turned just an inch to the side, etc) paired with the energy. The horse can be in the same physical position but be sending a completely different message with their energy, depending on what they want to communicate. It’s just so cool 🙂

          And that’s why I don’t know if it can be caught on video – how do you show the “feel,” the tension of energy, the exhale, the glare, the love streaming out, etc.?? I’m experimenting with adding voice-overs to video where I interpret what I feel is going on… but perhaps some things are mostly experiential. And yes, there have been a number of times I’m directed to put the camera away! It’s like they have moments they want to teach, or bear witness, through film. And then other times are private, just between us.

  • October 1, 2017 at 4:42 am

    Thank you so much Jini for sharing your story in its entirety! So beautifully capturing the emotion, the situation and the on going outcome. We ALL get into these situations in life and are too quick to pass responsibility. So thank you again for helping me to remember again how important it is to be present, mindful and wondering.

    Your posts always enlighten me, cause me to reassess what I think I might feel confident in, and this particular one has made me take a massive double take about protecting myself and my horses from unnecessary harm – as you have already mentioned to me! I have 2 little girls of my own and I’m sorry to admit that I have been nieve about protecting all of us as I beging working with the ‘at risk’ community in my area.

    From the bottom of my heart thank you Jax and Jini! As you said you can’t begin to know all the layers of learning from this incident all at the same time, so please let Jax know that I heed his warning as well and am so grateful! Thank you again Jini I look forward to hearing how you move forward in your relationship with Jax integrating his gift to you.

    Much love.

    • October 1, 2017 at 8:01 pm

      Yes Tamara – especially when working with drug and/or alcohol usage (past or current) there can be other energies/entities involved. Almost every spiritual tradition teaches that drugs/alcohol weaken the aura; making the person more susceptible to attachment by these lost or negative souls.

      Ya just gotta make your toolbox bigger! And listen to your horses 🙂 I did not realize that Leroy was a danger to me, but the horses sure did.

      And yes, Jax and I are still in the midst of integrating. And I’m still processing the various components with all the herd members. I really need to just sit and meditate with them, but for some reason every attempt this week has been foiled. I will wait for the time to be right.

  • October 1, 2017 at 11:10 am

    So much to say to this! This is more like a chapter of a book, or a whole booklet! All the awareness that we receive when we are dancing with horses. I truly love what you wrote and I was definitely riveted to the screen reading all that happened.

    Some of my reflections: It shows how we attract the low vibrations when we are tired (although you really went low here! Black Magic! Yikes), and what a super powerful lesson to get! I almost wish you had been able to record some bits and pieces of the whole story, as it would have been almost funny in retrospect (and highly instructional). Maybe you need to walk around with a GoPro on your head and an ON button at your fingertips! 🙂 After all, not many people are willing to be the guinea pig you are accepting to be!

    On another note, as you know I have the same issue with finding a home, and I truly believe what you are doing (I know I AM) is not just looking for your 300 acres, but you are looking at a huge paradigm shift. I feel (I am not projecting on you what I think about my life) you are not just finding some land/home/new living space, but you are changing your consciousness.
    So I believe that that is why you have not moved yet. It’s not about the children, not finding the place, or whatever (as for me it’s not about the $, or losing the home to cash offers, etc), it’s about being ready to shift our awareness.

    What’s this shift? Different for each one of us, and more about becoming who we see ourselves being in the new place. My wise husband says to be/embody NOW the person you see yourself being in this new place. What is she doing, how does she spend her day? What’s different about her (that the you now)? That’s the fastest way there 🙂

    For me, she’s calmer, her life is smooth, her mind is calm (!) and she’s let go of all the little things which keep her busy/worried and prevent her from feeling relaxed inside. She spends so much time in nature, being with her horses, playing, being silly. There’s more to that, in terms of work, or rather, contribution to others, giving back, but you get the gist. It’s an inside job.

    I love your connection with your horses, your willingness to put yourself out there, both physically and emotionally by writing this, and I am grateful for you! Yay to waking up!

    • October 1, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      I think you’re absolutely right Vittoria. If the universe brings us what we’re asking for, BEFORE we’ve undergone the necessary consciousness shift, then it’s not going to benefit us long-term anyway!

      It’s funny, because of course, nothing has changed. But the way I FEEL about my situation has changed completely after the Tapping session. Over a week later and I am still just grateful for everything I already have – imagine that! 🙂 And now that I’m actually living in this space of REAL gratitude, I see so many other components to this land equation and so many more factors… all of which hinge primarily on timing. So not only is the future becoming clearer, but my rest and peace with what currently IS is growing. As you said: Yay to waking up!

    • October 3, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      I am a new reader of listen to your horse-I’ll dive in and introduce myself. This topic brings so many ideas to mind. Your willingness to share while still recovering means you have more reserves than you think Jini! I have worn a riding helmet off and on over the years just to work around horses on the ground if I feel at all at their mercy. I let them know that it’s because they are stronger than me and I feel safer if something should go wrong-usually due to spooking or fear of vet, etc.

      I have 2 Arabians, Nik, a 36 year old gelding and Heiriel, a 10 year old mare-both came to me as yearlings. I had another Arabian gelding that I got as a 12 year old girl when he was 8-he lived to age 32. My family had up to 15 horses at a time-we bred and raised many foals. I have ridden horses for pleasure since the first Shetland pony came along in the 4th grade. I have not ridden much the past 10 years due to my gelding’s age and my mare’s ability to communicate that she is not much interested in being “controlled.” My husband and I live on two-thirds of an acre in the Arizona Mountains at 5000 feet elevation-since 2004. It is not my dream ranch, but the horses are with me 24 hours a day. We are in our 50’s now and want to find a retirement situation that has the benefit of like-minded horse people to share the work load and support one another. I literally do not leave the property for weeks at a time because of the frequent feedings (senior horse gets soaked timothy pellets, mix in a handful of alfalfa pellets/chopped timothy hay, supplements, and mare gets as many hay feedings in small slow feed nets to simulate grazing-since our place is so small and there is only enough grass for nibbling parts of the year). In between feedings, other things get done! One automatic feeder helps with 5 feedings for the senior horse. Most of my small family assumes they will never see me again unless they come to visit, but not many of them have done so the past few years-so there is loneliness. My husband travels for work. I have planted horse-friendly herbs and roses for the hips and flowers to feed them a more diverse diet. My gelding likes bowls of very warm chamomile tea when weather changes make him gassy and just hot water most other nights-which helps his sensitive tummy. I use homeopathy, essential oils and flower essences a lot.

      I’m replying to this post because the idea of becoming the person NOW that you want to be resonated strongly and the advice is appreciated. I have lived in many places and this is my least favorite because of several inconsiderate neighbors moving in and the lack of family contact. I love having the horses at home. We have a large barn lovingly restored by us, a turnout area, pipe paddocks and clean air and water. We don’t take the horses off the property due to increased traffic-inconsiderate drivers and ATV’s make it too dangerous to make our way to the public land trails which are a 10 minute walk down the street. The trails are not very fun because of ATVs, hunters, rocks, cactus, junk, etc. I grew up riding on some very nice trails in California, so I’m spoiled by great memories :). I spend time online to expand my horizons, since there is nothing going on here. I search horse properties and horse-friendly regions of the USA. One piece of guidance has been that I start considering a certain area and very soon after, the news reports some natural disaster there-fires, floods, etc. Sobering-what to do? My horses and I lived through an urban wildfire in Santa Barbara, CA in 1990 and we have a fire season here from May-early July when rain starts for the summer. In California the fire season is longer because there is no summer rain. Living with tornadoes and hurricanes is equally troubling for the horse “owner.” I would need a basement equipped for the horses. I saw a video about adobe home construction-fire/tornado/hurricane resistant. (Good idea for barns as well.) The desert southwest has few weather issues other than excessive heat, but hay is expensive, especially timothy, and there is no pasture unless one has irrigation/lots of money to pay for water. The great barefoot trimmer I have is rare and horse dentist even rarer-still looking. The Phoenix and Tucson areas have more options, but are crowded and expensive for a postage stamp acre horse property. We moved here from Phoenix to escape that environment-heat there is pretty hard on the horses: 110 to 120 F for weeks with lows of 90 F. Air is too dry, (skin suffers), but better than constant mud for horses hooves I think. Mountain temps are more reasonable.

      My dream is to have a property developed with several homes, but a shared horse set-up so that single horses do not have to be alone (like my mare when her buddy passes). I am not opposed to riding certain agreeable horses if it is done with sensitivity-I’m a fan of Klaus Hempfling and the Straightness Training teacher from the Netherlands, who since on the topic of dreams has just relocated with her 5 horses to Portugal to escape the rainy, dark, cold Scandinavian winters-encouraging story. There are some beautiful equestrian communities, but they are expensive and have HOA rules, so people like us who’s goal is organic, green, Non-GMO, no toxic herbicides/chemicals, etc. may not fit in. There would be enough land for pasture, with walking/riding paths winding through, herbs, fencing all horse-safe, a nice arena for training/playing-covered if area is rainy, NO or very little SNOW! I don’t mind 100 F heat, as I grew up in California and have been in Arizona since 1994. Having to shovel snow is not fun especially as I get older-I am a lightweight person. My mare slipped on ice and was injured 5 years ago-long story about her recovery. The nice things about living with one’s horses are obvious, but the challenge is feeling isolated and not having help unless one can afford to hire professional pet sitters. In my case, no one would want to fill in for me, nor would they be capable of monitoring my senior horse who is very communicative to me about his needs. An animal communicator had a chat with him and the mare after her injury-he said they won the lottery with me as their caretaker-he has a great sense of humor! That was a boost for me knowing I’m appreciated! My mare said she likes my attention to details and “loves me to bits.” She is bonded to me and even dislikes my walks to the mailbox, but she has a wild nature and only trusts me, so is a challenge compared to all of her relatives who were in our family herd. Her sire preferred hanging out next to the house rather that at the barn with the mares-some Arabians are like that-their history of living in the desert dependent on people may be the reason. My mare likes liberty work a lot and one body worker I’ve used said she is one of the smartest horses she’s met, so I guess learning from my “smarty pants” mare is part of my program of advancement! We have some connections which brought us together and knowing that helps me appreciate her uniqueness.

      My dream property would be set up with a covenant to protect horses from people and the changes in their lives which create upheaval for a horse herd. The homes could be owned/rented like a townhouse with communal areas, with provision if sold (old age, out of control events) only to another approved party on a waiting list, but not passed on by inheritance to some relative who sells it for profit and moves on with no interest in the horses. The group of owners would be committed to respecting the horses’ needs. Even if their owners die, they can live there and be cared for by others with a “retirement fund.” There would need to be a limit to the number of horses of course, so that things stay in balance. If someone wants to leave to travel for whatever reason, others can fill in without having to rely on outside help. Equipment could be shared and maintained. I once boarded at a cooperative stable-things ran very well. The other advantage is that with pooled resources, we could have a much nicer place than could be afforded alone. Has anyone drooled over all the million dollar horse properties for sale? Residents would be valued for their various skills/talents to form a jack-of-all-trades community. If any readers are interested in exploring this idea, please comment. It could lead to something! I will get follow-up comments by e-mail-I checked that box. I will continue to read more of your topics Jini. I pray you and your horses recover quickly from this event. I have used a flower essence blend called Trauma Free, from Jackson Galaxy-the cat whisperer. I have many of his essences-very helpful for all my animals, since I am not trained in energy healing, etc. as you and some of your readers are!
      Much love to all, Elizabeth and friends

      • October 6, 2017 at 10:48 am

        Very nice to meet you Elizabeth! I think your idea is a good one. We can do this in Canada by having one person buy the land, then create a Strata – whereby (as you said) they can sell chunks of the land to individuals and there is a “common area” which all contribute monthly fees to maintain. Basically, this is the idea of condominium living, re-worked to land. You could also have existing members get 1st option to purchase if someone wants to sell. There’s no fail-safe in any communal living situation, but there are certainly things you can write in to *help* prevent things going sideways. I’m not sure what kind of zoning laws would have to be in place to allow this though… and I know the US (especially California) has some really strict land usage rules. Mexico is actually a good place to set up things like this at a greatly reduced cost, or Costa Rica. I know of a few people who’ve done this for organic farming cooperatives in Mexico or Costa Rica. The area I like best in AZ is Patagonia – there’s some beautiful land there, even grass due to the high elevation!

  • October 2, 2017 at 6:51 am

    Thanks you so much for sharing, with detail, your experience! I really appreciated reading it. Sometimes I would really like to talk about my abilities, experiences and revelations but am very hesitant and it is not always easy. I have known since I was very young I have certain abilities to know things, see things but it wasn’t until the past several years that things are stronger. Nature, my animals, and taking time to meditate have really help me to stay grateful, happy and grounded. Even when life gets busy… I don’t know what to call everything… I know I am so lucky to have all the gifts I have, my ‘angles’ and the ‘universe’…I recognize so much, every day I learn something new. Last year I started getting visions from two of my horses and they told me exactly what they felt and wanted. It had startled me with how vivid it was and I don’t control what I see or when.

    Sometimes there are spirits that come with my students when they come for a lesson ( which is more like mindful therapy with horses.) I have never mentioned this before and am actually feeling a little… Strange. But what I mostly wanted to say to you is thanks for the sense I got reading your article! It makes me know there is more to look towards. Sorry for my kind of jumbled writing.

    • October 6, 2017 at 11:08 am

      Not jumbled at all Tanya! And yes, it can be hard to accept and navigate the world when you can see/hear/feel things many people can’t. I actually think we can ALL access these senses/knowings but our environment shuts us down from infancy onwards and denies that reality, so we bury those abilities. And then also, that intuition and other sensing/awareness is like a muscle – the more you use it, the stronger it gets. If you regularly practice the As Above So Below technique it will help you to stay centered in your core when students arrive with spirits or other situations where you need to set some boundaries and maintain clarity.

  • October 2, 2017 at 9:17 am

    Wow Jini! My first thought is thank you for your honesty and courage to share. Having been bit hard by my horse several years ago – an act that sent me physically and emotionally reeling – I know the shock/fear/surprise that occurs. And like you, the deep reflection that results because we trust there is wisdom in the action, even if we don’t immediately understand it. I learned something about my horse that day, and I learned things about myself. Important lessons that have forever changed and improved my understanding of life and relationship.

    • October 6, 2017 at 11:02 am

      I would love to know more about what you learned Sheryl… it sounds pretty important 🙂

  • October 2, 2017 at 10:54 am

    Thank you for posting this story – I´m currently going through a slightly similar situation and it´s helped me, to think deeper.
    So, I don´t own a horse, but were I live (in Germany) it´s typical for young horsepeople, who can´t afford there own horses, to help out for people who can – basically you pay a small amount of money to the owner and get to take care of, train, ride, feed, muck the stables.
    So, I had to leave the rescue shelter I used to help out at (both because it was just far to far away and because they treated their animals pretty badly – not because they wanted to, the owner just coudn´t say no to any horse that might need rescuing, even if she already coudn´t possible take care of those already in her care … And well, there were just a lot of things going wrong, to the point were I got migraines, every time I spent my weekend there.)
    Anyway, I stopped that, so I started looking at different options and quickly found two different spots- one a beautiful and gentil Quarter-Horse Mare and one a goregrous Arab-Andalusian mare whos add mostly read “careful: dominant mare!”. I went to both and (unsurprisingly) I fall in love with the Andalusian-Arab (Mrs D). Like- honestly, I have never felt such a deep bound with any animal. So, decision made, I choose the problem girl . The owner warned me, that she liked to herd and bite/ kick her humans, so I shoud only go to her with a wip. Of course, I didn´t do that – I´ve handled aggressive animals bevor, and have generally found that as long as you approach them with an open heart, they´ll be great, trustable animals – yes, the typical: I don´t know what you all are doing, they is such a nice animal! No idea why they woud attack anyone.
    2nd time I met her, was a day after her mom died – whos body was still lying in front of the pasture. We spend that day in silence, leaning on each other and gently taking care of each other. Took her for a walk, were I really felt her lighten up, momentarily getting a bit of relieve from the situation – on that walk, I also really felt our bond blossom, felt how she reached out to me and how we coud feel each other in that moment.
    So, on the 3ed time I meet her, I got stomach pains the moment I got onto the property, were she lives – really untypical for me. I get migraines for everything, but I can count on one hand the amount of times my stomach has acted up in my life. Of course, I was still super happy and exited to get to meet her, so I just ignored it. I went up to her, and at first everything seemed okay – until she started circling me. I moved away, not wanting to confront her until, shortly infront of the door, she decided that she needed me gone and charged and bit me – only in the upper arm, but still. It left a bruise deep enough that it´s still visible 2 weeks later. Which like – not half as bad as getting your head eaten, but it still shocked me out of mind. Because it was such an impossibility that any animal -and especially that horse I trusted so much- coud show such an aggression towards me. The most aggresion I had ever encountered was one mare, who regularity stepped on my toes when I was being inattentive to her. And it just blew my mind. I got outside the fence, and cried for half an hour with the stable cats purring in my lap.
    And I coudn´t get into the stable that day again. I tried, but the Moment I saw Mrs. D and Pony right at the entrance, I was out of there. Nope, not possible.
    And the problem is – it keeps happening. Out of no-where. Just yesterday, I was standing on the pasture, were she came up to me – friendly as anything and with a lot of land were she coud go to, without me blocking any exits or feed or anything. At first, she just seemed to want to sniff me a little but than she suddenly decidet to full on go on her hind legs and try to attack me. By that time, that already wasn´t news and I just chased her of.
    And afterwards, we were fine again, spent quite a bit of time just standing by each others side trying to find the most comfortable distance for both of us.
    And all that actually managed to put me in a headspace, where it is hard for me, to completly trust her – and I truly try. And most of the time 98% of me will be calm and happy to see her, but I just can´t shake the part that tiny part that just keeps reminding me to be careful, maybe she´ll attack…
    I´m currently in a pretty good headspace – of course there are dreams, I want to reach, but for the most part I´m quite content were I am. Another part, is that this happens with everyone. Which makes me thing, that it´s not just me that´s the problem.

    • October 6, 2017 at 11:01 am

      Hi Atréju, I’ve been thinking about your situation and I just don’t know that there’s much you can do without being the owner of the horse. For example, her behaviour could be something an Animal Communicator could shed some light on. Or sessions with an EFT or BodyTalk therapist could uncover some roots here. Also, what if the horse needs a re-set – a complete break from stable environments to just go be a horse on 20 acres in a herd environment. So many of the twisted things we do to horses can be unwound over time by a good herd. Perhaps this horse was negatively imprinted from birth, so it may take years of complete freedom with a good herd to shift her presets. You also don’t know what the owner and other people are doing to this horse – so any ‘good’ you do could be quickly undone. I encourage you to listen to your own body – and follow your gut/intuition for what is best/right for YOU.

  • October 2, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Holy Mackeral Jini! This was a multi layered learning! I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability for sharing this story with us. And the depth to which you will go to peel the onion. So many insights and aha’s in retrospect. Given the back story and animal communicators that shared their insights, it certainly makes sense as to why Jax was a bit overly forceful in order to get his message accross. However, I too wonder if the message needed to be so aggresive and painful. Maybe we can teach horses to be more vocal instead? Wouldn;t that be nice instead of a kick or bite!!!
    I too had my mini lesson in not listening to my intuition at Equinisty in the hay feeder where I too got bit on the leg. Quite a hematoma and painful bruise to remind me to listen to that voice inside me when it says clearly this isn;t safe, no matter who says it is safe!
    I send you many blessings for your continued healing both physically and emotionally. And I appreciate your realization to be present where you are now not sending your presense and energy into future visions. Much love, Shivam

    • October 6, 2017 at 10:53 am

      Oh yes! I remember that 😉 The things that happen when you give your power away to “experts” eh? I remember the same person telling us that her land was safe from bears and coyotes because it was ‘spiritual’ land and that she’d never had a bad encounter… as she sat there with 3 dogs around her! All I can say is when I needed to use the toilet in the middle of the night with coyotes howling EVERYWHERE, I did NOT walk the 5 minutes to the outhouse and I sorely wished I had brought my dog!

  • October 10, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    Jini, I have no words, I feel shocked, incredulous, never in all the time I had Jax here with me did he ever in the slightest way suggest any kind of aggressive behaviour. Some how I feel responsible, and worried for you. I can’t even get to where you have gone in your analysis of why and your communication with Jax and or the rest of the herd.

    • October 10, 2017 at 11:26 pm

      Ah, but you MUST go there Lynne – that is where the WHY is. That is where the gold is and you get to learn how he has healed me! You gotta read all the way to Part 2 xox

      • October 11, 2017 at 9:01 am

        I just would never have expected anything like that from Jax, never! I will read your Part 2 🙂 Glad you are okay and hope he is too.

        • October 11, 2017 at 10:58 am

          Exactly! Which is why it is so bizarre yet also so powerful – when you read what happened, you’ll understand why the Wizard had to be the one to carry it out. Another interesting observation is that Jax’s position in the herd has shifted as a result of this incident. He is no longer the lowest guy in the pecking order and he isn’t bugging Aude and Montaro the way he used to. It’s like he accepted a serious commission and as a result he’s grown in stature and maturity, there’s a new level of respect for him and he has a new self-possession, or self-respect. Honestly, this stuff is just endlessly fascinating – when it’s not terrifying! 🙂

  • March 12, 2018 at 11:41 am

    I HAVE AN UPDATE for y’all. Here’s what happened a few weeks ago:

    I took Aude out for a walk on the road the other day and as we were walking down the barn road (which leads to the main road) she started getting jumpy and wound up. I paused to check that she could stop when asked and circle when asked – all good, so her connection with me was still strong. And then I heard a car start up. She continued to behave like an Arabian in heat as we walked down the road. And then the car (which was souped up, so very loud!) came down the road towards us and her agitation increased.

    I said to her, “Look it’s okay, if you’re scared of the car, I’ll stand between you.” But she kept circling around to put herself next to the car. I was saying, “Aude, what are you doing?? You gotta let ME go on the side near the car.” And then she’d circle around and push me over towards the ditch again. By this time the car – driving slowly – drew level with us and as I peered under her neck, I saw LEROY sitting in the passenger seat. This dark, smirk of energy flashed out and then they were gone.

    As soon as they were out of sight and headed away, Aude calmed right down and dropped her head to eat grass in the ditch. Because guess what, yet again I was in a weakened physical condition – I had just recovered from a strong flu bug and this was my only my second day up and about.

    I find it interesting that although horses are so powerful spiritually and energetically, she showed it was imperative that she use her PHYSICAL body to stand as a block between me and the energies Leroy carries. Yet more aspects of “the body is the densest part of the soul” and the INTEGRATION of all the levels as being key, and possibly the main reason we incarnate…

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  • August 5, 2020 at 1:43 pm

    Hi Jini,
    I think the reason you have a narrow palate might be down to the fact that you are a mouth breather, as I have noticed on many of your videos. I learned this watching James Nestor on the Joe Rogan podcast while talking about his book called “Breathe: The New Science Of A Lost Art”.

    It is totally counter-intuitive but by breathing through your nose and therefore slowing down your breathing, you get 20% more oxygen. You can then breathe just 6 times a minute. As you do it habitually, the size of your nasal cavity will increase and that will naturally widen your palate. Of course, this advice is more important for children, who are still growing.

    Another thing that helps widen the palate is to eat more food that takes some chewing force, like a raw carrot. And do it asymmetrically, chewing on one side only, then moving it to the other side. But be aware, that this might develop your jawbone and bring your chin forward, which you may not be too keen on.

    • August 5, 2020 at 6:14 pm

      Hi David – GREAT info! And I totally agree. There is actually a technique you can use when you go to sleep at night to help flip from mouth breather to nose breather. I’m actually not a mouth breather, either at night or day. EXCEPT when I’m stuffed from dust or just ran/jumped etc. (cardio is not so great!). Keep in mind, the microphone on an iPhone is super sensitive to the person behind the camera – far more than for the person in front of the camera so that might be why you’re hearing my breath so loud 😉

      Interesting about the chewing, I tend to switch sides when I chew just to force my jaw to work evenly, because I have more molars on one side than the other. But I had not heard about the points you raised. I wonder how long it would take to see any measurable result… You might enjoy this post on my health site:

      p.s. Thanks for the Joe Rogan podcast, I’m going to pass that along!

  • August 7, 2020 at 7:27 am

    Hi Jini,
    well you are well ahead of me then, I only switched to nose breathing after watching the podcast. I had no idea! I haven’t quite managed to nose breathe at night yet but I am getting better.

    Thanks for the tooth decay protocol. Just think how much alfalfa that $10000 could have bought 😉

    • August 7, 2020 at 8:29 pm

      Right?? LOL. But guess what, you were right – I went back and checked some of my videos and I AM mouth-breathing in them, or at least for part of them. I wonder why?? Maybe because my mouth is already open from talking so much? Or maybe because it’s quite dusty etc there so my nose often gets stuffed (you know where you blow your nose and all this black dirt comes out?). Weird. But I will take notice now and see what happens!

      I’ve shot a video on that technique to switch to nose breathing at night (if you’re a mouth breather), along with some great jaw stretches. When it’s up on my health channel, I’ll come tag you here 🙂


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