I’d noticed a shift in Aude for about 10 days or so – she seemed more distant, more separate from the herd, and not as boisterously affectionate with me. Then I noticed the lump or growth on her chest. When Dr. Juliet came out, she said it felt either viral or tumor-like in origin. It was dead-center in her chest.
Her lump was directly under her heart. Here’s what happened when I tuned into the spiritual/deeper reason she developed this growth:
Soon after this Lazer Tapping session, Aude was back to her usual spicy, loving, big mama self. I also applied this topical remedy plus herbs, once per day. Because although the origin of her lump was emotional/spiritual, once it manifested into the physical body, we also have to treat the physical body as well.
Something very interesting happened when I sent this video out to two of my friends (before it was published). Both of them felt led to tap along and had tremendously powerful experiences, but not in the way I expected…
“Well I cried through most of it. Holy crap that was intense. So beautiful Jini. Here was my experience: I thought it might be a healing of miscarriage but I don’t seem to hold a lot of trauma around that. It actually became about my mom and the loss of her innocent child self from the abuse she experienced. She is dealing with kidney disease now and it showed up as a sticky, heavy mustard gas of shame in her kidneys. But actually when Posa showed up, it came through so clearly like she was speaking to ME! It got most intense because I realized that I am the baby that left, not just physically but also emotionally.
I knew this on some level, but could only see my side of the experience, as my own journey of healing and wounding and resentment and anger. Now I see myself in an interconnected circle with my mother, and was finally able to touch into healing that connection between us and reconnecting it on the soul level. At the end with the video footage of Juno and Mama, when Montaro gallops through, I heard him say to me, “It is okay to seek your freedoms, but don’t abandon the bond.” This is important to both mother and child in a reciprocal never ending loop. It must be healed for both of us to heal. 😱 wow.”
I tapped along with the session. I was invited to do so. At first I couldn’t tell why.
I thought maybe I had lost a child in another lifetime and that was the cause of my irrational phobia of getting pregnant in this lifetime. Or maybe I was tapping for my female ancestors to heal generations of traumatised women. Or maybe I was tapping for my mother, who had 5 miscarriages before having me. Whatever the why and the who, I followed along with you.
I began tapping at 11:11 😉
After the first round, I was inspired to change words – to customize them. As I did, I realised I was tapping for myself in this physical body and lifetime, to heal myself from whatever trauma was still trapped inside my womb. For the first time, I could bring it to light and identify clearly what was causing me such a phobia. For the first time, I could put my fear into words and release it. For the first time too, I acknowledged my body and honored her messages.
As the session continued, I could feel the energetic reunion taking place inside me between my spiritual self and my physical self. It was so emotional. It was like being reunited with your family after decades of losing sight of them, not knowing if they were still alive or not. I felt an indescribable relief and overwhelming emotion (in a good way) as well as a sense of, ‘everything will be ok now that we are whole.’
It was so potent! I could sense my organs literally moving and rearranging! My womb and ovaries especially. It was very very powerful.
I followed the tapping, just changing the words. I realised I hadn’t lost a baby, but rather I had lost a part of myself, my body, due to forced sexual assaults throughout my childhood (including with ‘tools’), and permanent physical abuse by my father, who crossed and broke and plundered all my physical external and internal boundaries.
I realised that my way of coping with all of that was to tune out (dissociate). That way I could control the feeling of pain. Since then, I always managed to control or avoid physical pain. Whether by exercising too much (getting high on endorphins), or by avoiding any situation where my body could’ve felt pain without any possible way of escape.
That blocked me from getting pregnant, because I was afraid of not being able to stop the physical pain; not being able to dissociate during 9 months, not being able to be in control of what was happening TO me during that time.
Oh dear, it was such a big, unwieldy piece to let out.
Of course I wanted to have children with all my heart, but it felt so INVADING to let them be inside me, with me not being able to say ‘No, stop, I don’t want this, go away, it’s unbearable, I want it to stop, you don’t have the right, it’s my body, you’re robbing me of consent.’
The perspective of having to go all the way through pregnancy without being able to take my control back until the end felt just unbearable.
I understood why this all needed to take place during this tapping session of motherhood/losing child. Maybe I did lose a child a long time ago… my inner child.
The second half of the session was very soothing and I could surrender to the powerful light force of the Universe. Especially the part where you talked about ‘the highest good of all involved,’ I repeated that part a lot, it felt very, very soothing.
My womb and ovaries were really hacking for a bit afterwards, but I feel definitely at ease now.”
It never ceases to amaze me how the horses seem to know what healing is needed (for all beings) and they tag-team as to who is going to come forward to facilitate each piece, or aspect. Perhaps that is why I need such a large herd! The horses take turns, evidencing in their physical bodies, the healing that needs to take place in our lives. Because, the body is not separate from the soul; the body is the densest part of the soul. As I continually say to my health readers, as they use my protocols to heal themselves of gut diseases, ask yourself: My body is speaking, what is it saying?